Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Random Headlines and my Smart Ass Comments

Nothing will replace Mr. Don's masterful hand at Goddesschess' Random Round-up, but I thought I'd throw something quick together in memory of our dear, gone but not forgotten Goddesschess website.  I think I was having hot flashes - or was that flash backs? - about the Friday Night Miscellany posts I used to do here.  I've no intention of resurrecting them, but every now and then there are titles to articles that are just begging for some smart ass commentary...

Like this one that I saw this evening:


Well, darlings, let me tell you - a hell of a lot better than it was to be a woman in the Middle Ages (unless one was a Queen, but even then, eeeeeuuuuuuwwwwww, what you had to go to bed with in order to achieve Queendom - yechy!) 

This was posted at Past Horizons today, and if I didn't know better, I'd think it was actually an April Fools' joke.  Maybe it is actually an April Fool' joke, but the author fell asleep for several months or something.  Just take a look at the graphic accompanying the article/post and you'll see why I came to my "jokely" conclusion:

Portrait of St Mark the Evangelist from the Book of Dimma folio 30v (Dublin, Trinity College, MS.A.IV.23).
Wikimedia Commons

According to the description, this is supposed to be St. Mark - the Evanglist (was there another St. Mark???)  Well, darlings, he looks rather bewildered and bemused to me, maybe even downright sad.  Now why would that be?  Because St. Mark actually was an Eye Goddess at one time - that's why!  Aha!  A sex change occurred.  I mean - of course this is an Eye Goddess - LOOK AT HER FRIGGING EYES.    And She is sitting on a bird-crowed chair, to boot.  Birds and Eye Goddesses go hand and hand, all the way back to about 35,000 BCE or so. 

Well!  No wonder She looks so befuddled.  She was turned into a he without Her consent!

As was so often the case back in the day, all the religious authorities did was change the sex of the Goddess, make She into a he, but they kept the golden curly hair (yeah, right, some Hebrew he was, heh?), the same eyes (Eye Goddess eyes), the same ancient symbols of chair (THRONE) with the royal birds (eagles, phoenixes, vultures, hawks) flanking, and called Her a he and a saint.  Ahem.  People weren't fooled back then, of course, not for a long time, even though they were illiterate (kept that way on purpose -- hmmmm, there are religious fundamentalists of all persuasions today who want to do the same thing all around the world.  Sadly, things haven't changed very much...).  That was because women told stories to each other, and to their children, sometimes whispered to each other in fear, but nonetheless passed on through the generations.  By the time the Celts arrived in England and then spread to Ireland, the men had pretty much appropriated the "official" role of story-teller/history keeper; but mothers continued the tradition of keeping the ancient legends alive, whispering tales to their children at night, as they went to sleep.

Oh, this one was rich, LOL!


Trust me on this one - not the women mentioned, for sure!  It's some Chinese chick with western-style dental implants who has multiple allegedly Communist leaders by their - ahem - male parts.  Securely.  Very securely.  I don't think I need draw you a picture...

How about this - nearly peed my pants laughing on this one:

'Baywatch' Star Abandons Search for Noah's Ark Fearing Abduction

I quote:  The Ark story is scientifically implausible; there simply wouldn't be enough space on the boat to accommodate two of every living animal (including dinosaurs), along with the food and water necessary to keep them alive.

Oh come on, practically even all of the most die-hard Christian fundies out there acknowledge that the dinosaurs were probably already croaked by the time of Noah and the Ark.  Nobody really believes that "six literal 24-hours days" stuff - not even the ones who say they do.  So Noah and his family didn't have to mess around with dinosaurs.  Probably a good thing, judging from their behavior in Jurassic Park...  I mean the humans, of course.

The actual story is - WHO IS THIS WOMAN ANYWAY?  (Donna D'Errico) Never heard of her.  Baywatch?  As in the show from like 30 years ago?  Oh, excuse me, from like 20 years ago?  She's not Pamela Anderson, so who cares?
Donna D'Ericco and Nikki Six.
FLYNET (circa 2006)
Hmmmm, do you think Pamela Anderson bears some resemblance to the "St. Mark the Evanglist" pic above?  Just give Her - him - Her -- longer hair...  And big fake boobs.

Speaking of which, here is a photo of Donna D'Errico and ex-husband someone Sixx (are you kidding me?) from circa 2006 before she kicked his sorry butt to the curb for being (1) a DRUG ADDICT and (2) a SERIAL FORNICATOR WITH WOMEN TO WHOM HE WAS NOT MARRIED.

Yeah, it's perfectly logical to me how Ms. D'Ericco would go from being a "Baywatch Babe" to looking for Noah's Ark.  I thought Turkey wasn't allowing folks to climb all over their mountains anymore.  You know, security and all that (BRIBES).  Guess if you're blonde and have big fake boobs and are now a member of an evangical group you can get a special pass.  But watch out for those Muslims who want to "marry" you, Western White Woman with Big Boobs and Blonde Hair.  Hmmm, come to think of it, maybe Ms. D'Ericco looks like St. Mark the Evanglist too...  Okay, I'm not even going to go there. 

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