Why Do I Play Chess?

Why do I play chess? I have no idea why that question occurred to me today while I was sitting here at the office desperately trying to find some commentary on Judit Polgar's win against Bareev at the Candidates' Matches. The question gave me pause because - no answer came to mind! Gee - am I dead??? So then I thought "oh for goddess' sake, Jan, you have to come up with some answer. Preferably something profound and thought-provoking, something that will give any readers who stumble upon this blog a sit-up-and-take-notice moment - aha - I feel exactly like that myself. I shall become famous, I might even win a Pulitizer prize...the first for a blog..." I am still waiting for inspiration to strike my fingers, which are patiently poised over the keyboard; it seems the Chess Goddess' mojo went out to lunch after seeing to it that Judit won her "must win" game today. Will She see to it that Judit win's her second "must win" game tomorrow? (Note to self: email Isis and see what the current line is, maybe it's worth a $5 bet). And will She get Judit safely through the tie-break so that she moves into Candidates' Matches, Part Deux? Does the Goddess' mojo have mojo, or will she need to boost some extra caffeine tomorrow??? Thank Goddess that I'll be able to watch the game online - oh and Chess Goddess - can you also make sure there are no technical or transmission difficulties tomorrow while I'm watching the game? Back to my question - why do I play chess? I'm thinking about it but I'm coming up blank. I don't play well, I have no deep (well, to be honest, none at all) understanding of positional play or tactics, I'm lucky if I can think three moves ahead on a good day and usually I'm busted by my imagined second move anyway because the other guy NEVER does what I thought he might do, I don't know a Ruy Lopez from a Queen's Indian, I'm not interested in improving my game by doing any kind of studying (yech) and I hate to lose. Doesn't sound very promising, does it. I could say it's because I love the game, but it sure doesn't sound like I love the game very much, does it! So I guess I'll just have to settle for "I play because I'm an eternal optimist." That line of reasoning goes perhaps some day I'll wake up and I'll be a chess genius, and I'll blow away anyone who plays chess with me, showing no mercy and without regard to race, color, creed, age or gender. I shall zoom up to the top of the ratings charts faster than I can lose 20 pounds, enter all the big name Opens and win them all, make a kajillion dollars from endorsements (wow, that middle-aged woman sure can play chess. And do you know why - it's because she uses [insert name of product]), and win the world championship - not only being the first woman to do so, but the oldest player ever even when I knock 10 years off my age. Then I'll move to Seattle, become a recluse, ask Robert J. Fischer to marry me and we'll clone a chess genius together who lives happily ever after spending all the money we made while we were great chessplayers. Ah, to sleep perchance to dream - well, I know it's something like that, that line from Romeo and Juliet? Well, from one of (as Candi Kane calls him) Spearshaker's plays. Okay - time to get a large glass of wine and settle down with Chess Bitch out on the deck.