UPS Redeems Itself - Sort of

No way in hell would I have ordered the new lap top shipped to my home if the Best Buy website had BOTHERED to inform me that a personal signature would be required!  I would have had it shipped to the office.  As it was, I expected delivery on Friday and so dutifully stayed home ALL FRIGGING DAY instead of tending to errands.  No delivery.

I go to work Monday.  I expected to come home to a box.  No delivery.

I go to work Tuesday.  I come home not to a box, but to a UPS tag saying delivery was attempted but could not be completed because a personal signature is needed!  That two more attempts would be made before the parcel went back to the UPS some place or other and where it would be held for 5 days before going back to the sender.  The tag said that delivery would be attempted Wednesday (today) between 2 and 5 p.m.

In teeny tiny print on this tag also the url for UPS and a toll-free telephone number - but only call before 7 p.m. if you are calling to make other arrangements for delivery.  Say fricking what?  It was after 7 p.m. when I looked at the back of the damn tag to see what was there!  What about people out on the west coast?  Do they get a different tag that says don't bother to call afer 9 p.m. Pacifi time?

So, I log in to the url.  Try and figure out the UPS website.  Ruts of ruck.  I'm no dummy, but it toom me nearly an hour to finally get to a point where I saw the actual "other delivery" options which were (1) have delivered to another location - FOR A FEE (2) Send back (free) (3) Pick up (free) and (4) kill the UPS person and spend the rest of your life in jail.  Okay, I made up option (4).

Of course, there was no information available that I could see about how much it would cost to have the parcel delivered to another place where someone could sign for it.  And I decided that wasn't a very good option for me, because I didn't know how heavy the damn thing would be.  What if I was stuck trying to lug home on the bus plus the three-quarters of a mile uphill walk something that weighed 30 pounds packed?  EEK!

So I decided I would have to take off work this afternoon so I would by 2 p.m. - if not before.  As it happened, I arrived on my doorstep at 1:45 p.m. to my new all-in-one wireless printer/fax/scanner sitting on the front stoop and another UPS tag stuck on my storm door.  Delivery attempt #2 made - signature needed.  Attempt #3 will be made tomorrow before 10:30 a.m.

So when did the UPS man  attempt delivery?  Sure as hell NOT between 2 and 5 p.m. as indicated on the tag.

As I can already feel my blood pressure rising once again, I will shorten this up and pour myself another glass of wine...

So, I dial the toll-free number to UPS.  Of course I get a recording.  I was already irked - hot hot hot under the collar as my dad used to say - and so it pissed me off even more when after the standard greeting in English I get that "se hable espanole" message.  My family has lived here for over 200 years and we don't speak Spanish or any of the pidgeon forms of Spanish I hear used on the bus every single day.  I'm an American, I speak English and use proper diction.  When did Spanish become the co-official language of the United States of America?  How did the Republicans manage to let that one get by?  I suppose they were too busy trying to reduce taxex for millionaires and billionaires while trying to abolish Social Security for working class people (like yours truly), get rid of Medicare, and start World War III. 

So I was doubly p.o.'d.  Listening to the mechanical voice that answered my call, nowhere did I hear an option to "speak to live person."  The mechanical voice asked me for the number on my UPS tag, which I spoke into the phone.  The mechanical voice then gave me a history of the attempted deliveries of the parcel that needed a signature.  Gee thanks for information I already knew, duh!  I refused to go through a myriad of options that were purposely designed to NOT address my real problem.  I just kept repeating over and over again "I want to speak to a person," "I want to speak to a person," I want to speak to a person," in progressively louder and more aggressive tones - and eventually, I think it was after #12 "I want to speak to a person," it worked.  The mechanical voice said I will connect you to the next available service representative.  HONEST TO GODDESS.  No wonder the United States is quickly becoming a third-rate third-world power.

The poor lady who answered my call received the full force of my considerable wrath, and perhaps she received second degree burns too, I was that hot.  I think she was American, at least - she had a southern accent.  She maintained her cool admirably and remembered all of her training about being very apologetic.  Thank Goddess for small favors, at least I was not subjected to a person in Bangladesh whose English - or Spanish - I would not have been able to understand.  The upshot was that my new laptop was delivered at 2:35 p.m.

There was one glitch - I was supposed to receive a telephone call from the local service representative to give me an approximate time when delivery would be made today.  While I was checking my email I heard the unmistakable sound of a UPS truck's grinding gears and I got up to look out the front window. Sure enough, there he was, the UPS man's truck blocking my driveway and he walking toward the house. He was gone in 30 seconds.  Most of my signature was not recorded on the defective pad he had.

As I was walking toward the kitchen with the box containing my new laptop, the telephone rang.  It was UPS calling to tell me that delivery would be attempted later this afternoon but they could not give me an exact time.  Gee, thanks.

Now I am going to deal with Best Buy and its failure to mention the important fact that a signature would be required upon delivery...