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Saturday, October 15, 2011

2011 FIDE Women's Grand Prix - Nalchik

Results and standings, Round 6:

Round 6 on 2011/10/15 at 15:00
SNo.NameRtgRes.NameRtgSNo.
12IMKovalevskaya Ekaterina24211 - 0GMCmilyte Viktorija25259
10GMKosteniuk Alexandra2469½ - ½WGMJu Wenjun25368
11IMGalliamova Alisa2498½ - ½GMKosintseva Tatiana25367
1IMMunguntuul Batkhuyag24670 - 1GMStefanova Antoaneta25286
2GMLahno Kateryna2554½ - ½GMKosintseva Nadezhda25605
3GMZhu Chen24900 - 1GMZhao Xue24974

Rank after round 6
RankSNo.NameRtgFED123456789101112PtsRes.SBRp
14GMZhao Xue2497CHN*1111116012,003301
28WGMJu Wenjun2536CHN*1½1½½½4112,752632
36GMStefanova Antoaneta2528BUL0*½½111407,252630
412IMKovalevskaya Ekaterina2421RUS½*½1½½½09,002575
55GMKosintseva Nadezhda2560RUS0*½½½1106,002565
67GMKosintseva Tatiana2536RUS½½½*0½1308,252496
79GMCmilyte Viktorija2525LTU0½½0½1*08,752456
82GMLahno Kateryna2554UKR0½½*½½½06,252432
93GMZhu Chen2490QAT0½½*½0105,002427
1011IMGalliamova Alisa2498RUS00½½½½*205,752403
1110GMKosteniuk Alexandra2469RUS0½0001*04,502332
121IMMunguntuul Batkhuyag2467MGL00½0½0*103,002235

Sui and Tang Dynasty Tombs Uncovered

No mention of any other artifacts uncovered in this group of tombs.  Were there any?  It seems unusual that there would not be any, given the richness of the pottery included in the burials.  Hmmm...

From xinhuanet.com

English.news.cn 2011-10-11 17:17:59

NANCHANG, Oct. 11 (Xinhua)-- Archaeologists in east China's Jiangxi Province have unearthed more than 50 pieces of cultural relics from a cluster of tombs dating back about 1,400 years, sources with the provincial archaeological institution said Tuesday.

Excavation work started in August, and archaeologists have retrieved more than 50 pieces of celadon wares from six tombs believed to have been built during the Sui Dynasty (581-618 AD) and early Tang Dynasty (618-907 AD), said Wang Shanghai, deputy chief of the Jiangxi Archaeological Study Center.

Wang said the tombs are thought to belong to a family, judging by their array. The largest tomb is 7.65 meters long and 2.2 meters wide.

The celadon wares, mostly including household utensils like pots, bowls and inkstone, were products from the then-famous Hongzhou Kiln, said Zhang Wenjiang, an archaeological research fellow with the center.

The center's chief Pan Changsheng said the findings would shed light on the study of funeral culture in the Sui and Tang dynasties.
Editor: Zhang Xiang

Oh Brother! Article on Taino DNA Study Raises Hackles

...and with good reason.  If the Taino are "extinct" as a people then, using the same criteria, the native Hawaiians are also "extinct" as a people, and - now that I'm thinking about it - a lot of Native American Indian tribes are probably "extinct" too.  Think of the implications -- just in terms of land claims and heritage exemptions, for instance...  We're talking about billions of dollars.

I, like the many people who posted responses to this article, have to wonder what the true agenda is behind the way the findings of this study are being reported...

Published online 14 October 2011 | Nature | doi:10.1038/news.2011.592
Nature.com

Breathing life into an extinct ethnicity

Participants in the 1000 Genomes project reconstruct the genetic variation of a lost group of Native Americans.

The Taínos were the first Native Americans to meet European explorers in the Caribbean. They soon fell victim to the diseases and violence brought by the outsiders, and today no Taínos remain.
But the footprints of this extinct ethnicity are scattered throughout the genomes of modern Puerto Ricans, according to geneticist Carlos Bustamante at the Stanford University School of Medicine in Stanford, California. On average, the genomes of Puerto Ricans contain 10 to 15% Native American DNA, which is largely Taíno, says Bustamante.

At a presentation at the 12th International Congress of Human Genetics in Montreal, Canada, Bustamante described preliminary results from a study that aims to reconstruct the genetic features of the Taíno people. The cryptic information was found in the genomes of 70 modern Puerto Ricans, some of the latest additions to the ongoing 1000 Genomes project, an international consortium whose goal is to find the variations in DNA sequence among the genomes of all human populations.

Window on the past

The genomes of modern Puerto Ricans are a mosaic of African, European and Native American sequences. A set of single-nucleotide locations that are known to vary across these different ancestral groups helped Bustamente and his collaborators to identify whether a given region of the genome was African, European or Native American in origin, and thus begin to stitch together chromosomal segments corresponding to the Taíno heritage. The various Taíno sequences in the 70 different genomes will help to build a more complete picture of the ancestral Native American genomes.

The project has also shed light on the history of interactions between Native Americans, Africans and Europeans in the Caribbean. To infer when the various populations interbred, the team first estimated the lengths of each segment of African, European and Native American DNA in the modern genomes. They found the Taíno segments to be relatively short, suggesting a single 'pulse' of admixture a few hundred years ago. [How about checking the mitochondrial DNA, heh?]

The small size of the ancestral segments fits with our understanding of the history of Puerto Rico, says Marc Via, a molecular anthropologist at the University of Barcelona, Spain, who was not involved in the study. "The admixture took place suddenly, so most of the population mixed with the African slaves and European settlers in the very early colonization of Puerto Rico." But the Taínos quickly died out, so with every generation, the segments of Taíno genome would become smaller and smaller, he says.

Unlike the rapid mixing of Taíno with African and European genomes, the slave trade created a more complex pattern of African sequences. "The African and European segments have a fair amount of variation in size, which tells us that they are the result of several waves of migration," says Bustamante. Early insights from the study suggest that shorter, and therefore older, African segments come from populations near the coast of Senegal, whereas longer, more recent, segments come from inland African populations. This suggests that slave-traders first captured slaves on the coast but later had to go inland.

Tracking the slave trade

This information is key to understanding the history of the slave trade and African American history, says Bustamante. "Most Africans Americans in the United States have ancestry that largely traces to the African slaves that came through the Caribbean," he says. "We would love to be able to give folks back historical information that can be derived from DNA sequence data about where people came from."

The study, which includes collaborators at the University of Puerto Rico in Mayagüez, will also help address deficiencies in medical genetics data sets, which largely contain sequences of European origin1. "This now opens up the opportunity to undertake large-scale medical genetic studies in Puerto Ricans and in other populations of Afro-Caribbean and Hispanic-Latino descent."
  • References

    1. Bustamante, C. D.,Burchard, E. G. & De La Vega, F. M.et al. Nature 475, 163-165 (2011).
**********************************************************************
This kind of study is ample demonstration for why we need to get a hell of a lot more advanced in our techniques for recovery and analysis of DNA in the future!  This article smacks of propaganda, and that ain't ever good.  Whether the author of the study intended it to be so used, who knows?  But right now, the science behind the article is being used/slanted to promote a certain genetic viewpoint of a country's history.

Oh Oh! Guess I'm Public Enemy Numero Uno...

...for feeding my squirrels! 

OHMYGODDESS, can't believe people are actually bitching about someone feeding squirrels.  Get a fricking life, will ya?  Geez!  I've been feeding all of the wildlife in this neighborhood (a few miles away from the neighborhood mentioned in this news article) for more than 21 years and I've yet to see a rat - except for the two-legged kind.  Seems they're all over the place these days.  Tsk tsk. 

Maybe you people on South 72nd Street need to be visited by a few SKUNKS.  I feed them, too.  Two of my doggies even got sprayed a few times.  Such is life in the city.  Get over it, you SCROOGES, bitching about animals eating.  May Artemis put a Pox on you and your households! 

From The Journal/Sentinel Online
Jim Stingl

Neighborhood in bad mood over squirrel food

Judit Polgar Sighting: Unive Crown Group 2011

Judit is looking very chic in her white pants suit!


Report from The Week in Chess:

Mark Crowther - Saturday 15th October 2011
The opening ceremony for the Unive Crown Group took place on Saturday 15th July 2011. Vladimir Kramnik is the top seed in an exciting group with Anish Giri, Maxime Vachier-Lagrave and Judit Polgar. 6 Rounds. Round 1 Sunday 13:00 UK time (14:00 CET) pairings: Vachier-Lagrave vs. Polgar and Kramnik vs. Giri.

Blast from the Past: IGK Symposium 1999 Hamburg - 3

Some Hamburg 1999 IGK photos taken by Mr. Don that haven't been published elsewhere publically:
Goddess in a "shell" chariot pulled by horses.
Three guesses as to who she is...
Octagonal chessboard  used in one of the presentations
Don't know what it is, but it sure is pretty!
Harbor scene - "Palazzo"
Patron "saint" of Hamburg.  Do you see the
figures of the goddesses/gods used as "finials" on the building, left?
The Goddess of Justice, holding her book
of law and the Scales. Shades of Ma'at!

Blast from the Past: IGK Symposium Hamburg 1999 - 2

Welcome to Hamburg!  Mr. Don arrived on the day the Symposium started, jet-lagged and bleary-eyed.  He had booked a hotel room and had directions on where the symposium was meeting.  Unfortunately, he ran into some language problems and ended up boarding a metro/train going in the opposite direction from where he needed to go.  (This was a problem that would continue to plague us throughout our travels, LOL! Just call us the "Wrong Way Nort Americanos").  Eventually, however, he got turned in the right direction and arrived, albeit, late, at the Symposium. 

Here is a precis of the program/presentations

Don's Recap of his Adventures in Hamburg

Here is a photo of Mr. Don giving his presentation, and a link to Mr. Don's presentation (just a little off-kilter, like his personality, heh heh):

Chess Historical Research and the Internet: A Meeting of "Many Worlds"

The entire experience opened our eyes to an entirely new world, and "we" made many new friends!

Don met Dr. Koichi Masukawa, with whom we shared a dinner in 2001 in Amsterdam, the next IGK Symposium.  Here is Dr. Masukawa in 1999:


In addition to meeting - face to face for the first time - our mentor, Dr. Ricardo Calvo, and his wife, Carmen Romero, he also met Hanspeter Suwe, Ken Whyld, Dr. Ulrich Schadler, Dr. Peter Monte, and many others.  Isis and I met several of these same people in Amsterdam in 2001, but we did not meet Mike Pennell, whom I most particularly had wanted to meet.  Oh well. 

Left to right: Dr. (and IM) Ricardo Calvo, Hanspeter
Suwe, Carmen Romero (a/k/a Carmen Calvo)

Mike Pennell



Blast from the Past: IGK Symposium Hamburg 1999

At the behest of Dr. Ricardo Calvo (a/k/a The Chief) in 1999, we scrambled around frantically to make - literally - last minute arrangements to get Don McLean over to Hamburg to give a presentation on behalf of Goddesschess, then a fledgling new website.

You can read more about Mr. Don's adventures in Hamburg at the Goddesschess website (scroll down to 1999 Hamburg in Table of Contents).

SOME FACTS CONCERNING THE INITIATIVE GROUP KONIGSTEIN
Egbert Meissenburg
(Seevetal, October 26, 1999)

[The following is excerpted and paraphrased from an English translation of the original German "Programm zum V. Symposium der INITIATIVGRUPPE KONIGSTEIN, Hamburg, November 1999". The original English translation was done by Kenneth Whyld, one of the participants in the 5th Symposium of the IGK. An extensive bibliography of presentations and papers by the members of the Initiative Group Konigstein is omitted.]

Chess history is a journey into an extensive past – and the house in which the researcher dwells and works has many doors.

The Initiative Group Konigstein is a world-wide association of chess historians, originating from Germany; its aim as a community in researching chess history is emphasizing and promoting scientific research and expert treatment of the entire history of the game of chess in all its branches and facets. It is, without actually having an established organization structure, a loose union of scientists, serious researchers into the history of chess and, finally, also the enthusiasts generally interested in chess history. The circle, open to all, is international in all aspects, as its many languages and diversity of promotion proves.

While the primary goal of the Initiative Group Konigstein is to attempt to approach a little closer to chess-historical truth: "Quid est veriats?"—it is also a fundamental aim to promote sympathetic cooperation of the various directions of chess research through mutual support of, and respect and tolerance for, the personalities of each scholar. The specialist respects the ingenious essayist, and vice versa! This tolerance should always stand in the forefront of our mutual relations, the relationships of chess historians in general, and in all journalistic transactions.

Chess history remains an assembly ground of greatly differing temperaments – but never should learning, or objectivity (objectivity in no way means lack of opinion!), or thoroughness, or love of truth, or caution in judgment (yes, along with the ability to admit to errors), be lacking in anyone participating. Thus, journalistic chutzpah, arrogance, bias, intolerance and polemics should be rejected and banished as something totally unacceptable.

The Initiative Group Konigstein is a group of some seventy members, of many nationalities and languages, all of who have dedicated themselves in varying degrees to chess history. What we have really "initiated" will perhaps, remain debatable – as, for instance, whether the 1991 Konigstein meeting, in fact, triggered the C-14 investigation into the Venafro chessmen (with publication in 1995); on the other hand, without the Initiative Group Konigstein, perhaps many chess-historical studies might never have been written, or might never have been published.

The initial Symposium of the IGK was held in Konigstein/Taunus [near Frankfurt/Main, Germany] in August, 1991, with fourteen participants invited by Dr. Thomas H. Thomsen and Joanna Thomsen. The group discussed "The Origins of Chess". The group took its name after the place of their initial meeting.

The second workshop of chess historians was hosted in November 1993 by the Max Euwe-Centrum in Amsterdam, organized by Egbert Meissenburg. Subjects of discussion included the early history of chess (India, China, Uruk, Talmud), how "chess" might be defined within historical context, and the existence and origins of the abstract-form Arabic/Islamic chess pieces.

In November, 1994, the third meeting of the group took place at the "Internationales Forschungszentrum Kulturwissenschaften" in Vienna, Austria, organized by Dr. Ernst Strouhal (Hochschule fur angewandte Kunst, Lehrkanzel fur Philosophie, Vienna). Its theme was "Vom Wesir zur Dame, Kulturelle Regeln, ihr Zwang und ihre Bruchigkeit. Uber kulturelle Transformationen am Beispiel des Schachspiels"

In July, 1995, the first issue of "Okkasioneller Rundbrief" was published in Seevetal, edited by Egbert Meissenburg. The goal of the "Rundbrief" was to foster closer contact among the chess historians of the Initiative Group Konigstein. The first issue contained articles from Ricardo Calvo, Gerhard Josten, and Franco Pratesi. There have now been fourteen issues of "Rundbrief", the last in August, 1999.

In November, 1996, the fourth chess historical workshop on "Approaching the Roots of Chess" was held at the Central University in Pondicherry, India. This meeting represented the first time an attempt was made to bring together well-known specialists in chess history, Sanskrit studies, Indology and archaeology. Dr. C. Panduranga Bhatta was the chief organizer. Five members of the IGK group attended: Dr. Andreas Bock-Raming, Manfred A.J. Eder, Dr. Irving Finkel, Koichi Masukawa, and Egbert Meissenburg.

Copyright (c) Egbert Meissenburg, 1999. All rights reserved.


WORDS OF WELCOME
Egbert Meissenburg
November 15, 1999

A cordial welcome to all participants of the 5th Symposium of the Initiative Group Konigstein in Hamburg held at the Club Center of the Hamburger Schach-klub.

Tassilo von Heydebrand und der Lasa passed away in July,1899. The peculiar areas of his chess research were the European Middle Ages and the early modern times. It was our aim to celebrate the centennial of von der Lasa’s death primarily but not exclusively with the interests of this most prominent German chess historian in the 19th century.

These are the themes I offered for lectures:

CHESS IN THE MIDDLE AGES

Everyday Culture and Game-Specifics

a.. The literary dissemination of the game
b.. The situation regarding chess manuscripts
c.. New Chess and the changes; the Europeanisation of chess
d.. Chess techniques and chess players
e.. The nature of chess problems
f.. Chessmen and archaeological discoveries
g.. Chess representations in paintings
h.. Other games in competition with chess
This is and was [only] a program. As you shall remark, some of the subjects cannot be treated in this 1999 Hamburg Symposium. Other lectures to be read shall concern the earliest history of chess in the Far East. As von der Lasa was a successful bibliophile too, I decided to ask a professional (now retired, but still active) librarian to say some words concerning the situation of the literature of chess history in a public library.

I wrote for the 2nd Amsterdam Symposium of the IGK the following words of introduction which were valid not only for 1993 but are valid in the same manner for 1999, too:

"Wir freuen uns auf neue personliche Kontakte und auf das Wiedersehen mit alten Freunden. Wir werden arbeitsreiche, aber auch fruchtbare Stunden der wissen-schaftlich-forschenden Auseinandersetzung haben."

My further expectations for the Hamburg meeting are that we have days in friendship and tolerance without any disturbances and with fair and serious discussions on the history of chess in general and in detail.

Last, but not least: my hearty thanks to all those who gave me assistance in organizing this Symposium.


Then... and Now...

Today I've been working on the Family Tree project - it's never-ending!  Since I missed last year's self-imposed deadline to put a "book" together of the primary family lines for the family (paternal and maternal), I want to get it done this year.  That is, as done as it will be as of the time I print everything out and have it copied and bound!  I am constantly discovering new lines of inquiry into branches of the family, mostly not direct lines but fascinating in their own right, nonetheless!  Today, for instance, I discovered photographs of Andrew Forsyth, Jr. and some of his daughters.  Andrew Forsyth, Jr. was the oldest son of Andrew the Soldier, of whom I've previously written about here.  Andrew the Soldier's second son was Jerome Forsyth, my direct ancestor.  It was a daughter of Jerome, Mathilda Forsyth, who became by great-grandmother.  In looking at those old photographs of Andrew Forsyth, Jr.'s girls, I saw echoes of my own grandmother, Ida Belanger Newton (daughter of Mathilda Forsyth and Edward Belanger, Jr.)  Andrew, Jr.'s daughters and my great-grandmother were first cousins.

While looking at some other old photographs I've already posted to the family tree, I came across one of my sisters Yvonne, Darlene and me with Grandpa and Grandma Newton.  Judging by how young we look, I believe it was taken in either late December, 1959, or early January, 1960.



I was struck by how much I look in this old photo (enlarged and cropped from the original) like I do in a more recent photo:

Me in 1960

Me, early October, 2011.
Gee, I haven't changed very much, LOL! I guess I shouldn't be so amazed -- eyes, nose, mouth, and those cheeks --- still the same, oh my!  Even the hairstyles are similar, separated by 50 plus years! 

Friday, October 14, 2011

Is This Woman FAT?

According to our current culture, YES, SHE IS.  Now if that isn't the most ridiculous and disgusting thing, I don't know what is!  The model in the photo, Katie Halchishick, looks to me to be smaller than Marilyn Monroe's size 14 figure -- and Monroe was one of the most desired women in the world, and still is today!

So how can Katie Halchishick be considered "plus-size?"  This just doesn't make any sense to me at all.  When did our culture get so f'd-up that a beautiful woman of normal - that is - average weight - is considered grossly fat?  I think it's time normal women took back control of the fashion industry.  Anorexic figures are disgusting, not cool!  Anyone who thinks otherwise is warped.

The plastic surgery a model needs to look like Barbie
by Piper Weiss, Shine Staff, 4 hours 22 minutes ago

Katie Halchishick marked up with "Barbie"
proportions.
We know that Barbie’s body is anatomically impossible. So why are we still trying for it?
Every day a new plastic surgery promise emerges: scooped-out backs, rear-end lifts, sculpted kneecaps. If it’s possible, it’s suddenly necessary.
But what exactly would you have to go through to get the 'perfect' Barbie body? In the latest issue of O Magazine, model Katie Halchishick becomes the human diagram.
Posing for photographer Matthew Rolston, her glamorous, Marilyn Monroe-type features are surgically outlined according to Barbie's proportions.

Here’s a breakdown of what she'd need done to be the kind of doll women aspire to: a brow lift, a jaw line shave, rhinoplasty, a cheek and neck reduction, a chin implant, scooped-out shoulders, a breast lift, liposuction on her arms, and tummy tuck, which would also have to be sculpted as if it were lined in whale-bone from the inside. And that’s just the half of her.

Halchishick doesn’t actually need or want any of these procedures. She’s proving a point: just because our distorted image of how a body should be is medically attainable, that doesn’t mean it should be attained.

And if you doubt that anyone actually wants to look like Barbie, meet Cindy Jackson, a 55-year-old woman who’s had 52 cosmetic surgeries to look like her plastic idol."This is the way I should look,” Jackson told Good Morning America. "It's evolution. It's medical progress." There's also 10-in-one-day record-holder Heidi Montag, and a revolving door of on-screen personalities who look more like each other and less like human beings by the day.

Not everyone would call that progress. “The number one wish for all teenage girls is to be thinner,” said Halchishick, a former Ford Model who now mentors high school students about body image issues. “They think what makes a girl beautiful is skinny with big boobs, perfect hair, perfect make-up.”

Last year a total of 13.1 million body parts were surgically altered. Five percent of patients were under the age of 20.

Halchishick, who co-founded the website Healthy is the New Skinny, doesn’t place all the blame on surgery or a pint-sized rubber and plastic doll. She believes change has to start in schools, as well as in the fashion industry. “Girls want to know how to lose weight so badly, and the schools don’t want to talk about it, because they’re worried they’ll develop a complex,” she told The Gloss in March. “There need to be models to show [girls] to wish for more.” She now heads up her own modeling agency for women with natural figures. She’s also campaigned to get plus-sized designers into New York Fashion Week. But her spread in O magazine, the first nude pictorial they’ve ever featured, has been the most buzz-worthy.

Accompanied by an essay by writer Amy Bloom, the photograph is
intended to make women rethink their body image ideals. But it hasn't had that effect on everyone. When one 15-year-old girl saw this photo of Halchishick, her first thought was of her own imperfection, according to a blogger for Healthy is the New Skinny. “I thought if a girl as pretty as that has to change so much to be perfect, it made me wonder how much more I’d have to change.”

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Squirrel Threatens Dire Consequences

The truth can now be told.  That squirrel who mysteriously seemed to appear out of nowhere during a certain recent Phillies/Cardinals play-off game was actually a saboteur planted by none other than - yours truly!  Yep, that's right.  The courageous squirrel, who shall remain unnamed in order to protect her family, traveled with me to St. Louis from Milwaukee back on September 8, 2011 -- well before the Cardinals had clinched the wild card berth.  But of course we all knew even then it would be a Brewers-Cardinals rematch, this time not for the World Series Title but for the National League Championship Title that all Brewers fans knew we would clinch.  Our Milwaukee beer gives us remarkable precognitive powers...

Brewers fans have very long memories, darlings.  Very long memories.  While hoodlums were burning down St. Louis in celebration of their pooping all over the place red birds stealing winning the 1982 World Series in Game 7, more than 250,000 faithful cheering Brewers fans turned out for a welcome home ticker-tape parade to pay tribute to the true champions - the Brewers -  that took them slowly up Wisconsin Avenue from the lakefront in open cars for nearly two miles.  I was one of those cheering clapping fans that day, stationed near the end of the parade route.  It was an unforgettable moment.

Back to my ingenious plan!  Said Ms. Squirrel accompanied me disguised as a cat in a carry-on pet travel cage that neatly fit under the seat in front.  The flight was a scant hour and she was quite comfortable, although she did not like going through the x-ray thingy in security.  I didn't write about it before - obviously - because that would have given away the plan! 

Once we hit the hotel Ms. Squirrel was let out of her travel cage, and she happily scampered up and down the bricks outside the windows of our suite until Saturday afternoon.  I fed her plenty of nuts! While poor 'Sis lay sick in bed with a bad stomach complaint, Ms. Squirrel (hidden in my large Las Vegas tote) and I left the hotel and headed toward Busch Stadium.  The memory makes me shudder still!  I gave Ms. Squirrel a final briefing.  Together we hid about the stadium around 100 pounds of nuts I'd had delivered there the day before (I won't tell you how the nuts or we got in) and then I bid Ms. Squirrel adieu.  She knew what she had to do.  She knew she might not ever make it back to Milwaukee.  She knew I would take care of her family for generations to come in the best Newton style.  Ms. Squirrel is a true Brewers fan, willing to sacrifice herself for the sake of her team!

Ahhhh, and she did it so well, too!



But wait - that's not the end of the story, darlings.  There is a method to our squirrely madness.  Part 2 of the master plot was revealed today in The Wall Street Journal:


JASON GAY OCTOBER 13, 2011

LeTR fROm thE RaLLy SQuiRRel AtTornEY

DEaR PEEpLE of SAiNT LOuIs,

My NaMe is RiChaRD FLuFFYTAIL, III, EsQ. I am A SQuiRReL AttornEY with the FiRm of ACoRN, ChEStNUT and PINECone, LLP. I am LICsenSED To pRaCTicE SQuiRReL LaW IN the STaTe of MissOUri as WEll as CAliForNia, New YORK anD aLL FOREsTS.

iT haS ComE To MY aTTenSHUN That ThE SAiNT LOuis CaRDiNaLs haVe Been UsinG the LikENess of My CLienT, "RaLLY SQuiRReL," In TEEM maTERiALs dURinG tHe NaTIONAl LeAgUe ChaMPEENshup SeeeRiES.

ThiS SAiNT LOuis SquiRREL obSESSION is REpoRTEdLY FuELLED by a SigHTing of My CLIiENT rUNNing past Home Plate iN a DIvisinAL Playoff GamE WhErE the CaRDs BEet THE PhiLADelPHia FiLLies.

NoW All of SAiNT LOuis SeEeMs tO thInk A "RaLLY SQuiRReL" HelPs it Win BaSEBaLL Games. OK, whATever. YOU HuManS are StrAnGE.


BuT tHe CaRDs Are NOw MaKIng iTemS with my CLIenT's LikeNESS. TherE are "rALLy SQuiRReL" toWELs aNd TEE sHirtz tHaT SAy "GOT SQuiRReL?"

WorsE of All, The Cards aRe selling StuFFed RaLLy SQuiRReLs. ThAT's an InSULt anD OfFenSIVe to my CLIENT and SQuiRReLs EveryWHEre.

On beHalf of my CLIent and ALL SQuiRReLs , I aM WritING to DEEmAND ThaT the CaRDiNals CeASE and DESIsT All mAnUFACture and SAle oF RaLLy SQuiRReL ProDucts for The FOLLOwing ReAsOnS:

The CaRDiNAls HAVE no AUTHOrity To RePREsent ANY AffiLiaTion or RElAtionSHip BeeetWEen the Team and my CLIent.
The CaRDiNAls HAVE miSAPPORPRIated the RaLLy SQuiRReL iMAge without DUe ComPENsaTion.
The CaRDiNAls HAVE createD an ASSoCiAtion Beetween the TEAm and my CLIent thaT diminiSHEs tHe RePUtatiON of my CLIent to the BeNEFIT of tHe CaRDiNAls.
(IMPRessIVE right? I DID not SPEND 3 Years eaTIng RAMEn IN SQuiRREL laW School For NUTTin!)

ThE CaRDINals CaN to MaKe ThInGs RiGHT, hoWEver.

First, They NEEd To REleaSE My Client, The RaLLY SQuiRREL CapTURed at BuSCH STaDiUm.
HE is A POLITicAL PRIsONER and noT An AnonYMOUs SQuiRREL or MASCOT.

His REaL Name is CHuCK. hE was JUst TrYinG tO get HOme frOm woRK.

CHuCK neeDs to Be abLE to MaKE a LIVinG. He HAs 238 SQuiRREL kiDs.
238! Do YoU KnoW WHAT SQUirrel priVATE SchOOl cOSts theSE DAYs?

HEre are SiX thINGs the CarDINaLs can Do FOR ChuCk:

1. CHuCK the Rally SQUIRReL WanTs you TO BUY HiM soME PEeNUTS and CRACKer JacKS. AcTUALLY He WaNTs aLL tHe PEeNUTS and CRACKer JacKS.

2. CHuCK the Rally SQUIRReL waNTs to SiT in the CaRDs DugOUT at BuScH. No MOre of THis EMBaRrassING ruNNING AcROSS Plate and LOokING for a SEat Stuff.

3. CHuCK the Rally SQUIRReL WanTs to PinCH run for the CARdiNAls AS mUCh AS POSSiBle.

4. CHuCK the Rally SQUIRReL waNTs an AUToGraPHEd Stan MUSIal jersey.

5. CHuCK the Rally SQUIRReL WoulD likE To eat FRIed CHICKEN and DrINK Beer AND play VIDEO GAmes DURING GaMEs like RED Sox Pitchers.

6. ChUCK the Rally SQUIRReL wud LiKe to meet HeLeN MirrEN. Not SURe WHat ThaT has TO Do With BASeBAll, But Make IT haPPEn.

MAke NO MiSTake: CHuCK and aLL sQuiRreLs like The CaRdInAls and EspECially thEiR ManAGer, TonEE LaRuSSA. TonEE LaRuSSA maY not SEEM liKE a BarrEL of LAFFS buT hE is a FRIenD to ALL aniMALS.

LaRuSSA is EveN a friend To the CATS, Which THe SQUIrrels dO not UNDersTAND. HaVE u EVeR tRieD to NeGOtiaTe with a CAT? TODAL NigHTmaRE. (WorSe than RaTz!)

OKaY that Is ALL, SAiNT LOUis, PLeeze TaKE thiS LeTTer seRIOUsLy.

IF you Do NOT Agree to ouR demands, and You ConTInue to MAke anD SeLL "RaLLy SQuiRReL" ITemS, we ShaLL have NO chOIce to Sign WiTh the CUBs in 2012. And TAke ALBerT PuLJOLs With US.

YoU HaVe BeeN WarnED!

SINceRELy.
RiChaRD FLuFFYTAIL, III
ACoRN, ChEStNUT and PINECone, LLP

So, okay, Ms. Squirrel did not really type that letter.  I did.  Pretty neat, heh? 

2011 FIDE Women's Grand Prix - Nalchik

Today is a rest day.  Action resumes tomorrow.  Standings after R4:

RankSNo.NameRtgFED123456789101112PtsRes.SBKoya
14GMZhao Xue2497CHN*1111405,500
28WGMJu Wenjun2536CHN*½11½305,750
39GMCmilyte Viktorija2525LTU0*½½1213,500
42GMLahno Kateryna2554UKR*½½½½213,250
512IMKovalevskaya Ekaterina2421RUS½½*½½2½3,750
63GMZhu Chen2490QAT½*½102½2,750
5GMKosintseva Nadezhda2560RUS0½*½12½2,750
6GMStefanova Antoaneta2528BUL0½*½12½2,750
97GMKosintseva Tatiana2536RUS½0½½*03,500
1011IMGalliamova Alisa2498RUS0½½½*03,000
111IMMunguntuul Batkhuyag2467MGL0½½0*102,000
10GMKosteniuk Alexandra2469RUS0100*102,000

Round 3 on 2011/10/11 at 15:00
SNo.NameRtgRes.NameRtgSNo.
2GMLahno Kateryna2554½ - ½IMKovalevskaya Ekaterina242112
3GMZhu Chen24901 - 0IMMunguntuul Batkhuyag24671
4GMZhao Xue24971 - 0IMGalliamova Alisa249811
5GMKosintseva Nadezhda25601 - 0GMKosteniuk Alexandra246910
6GMStefanova Antoaneta2528½ - ½GMCmilyte Viktorija25259
7GMKosintseva Tatiana2536½ - ½WGMJu Wenjun25368
Round 4 on 2011/10/12 at 15:00
SNo.NameRtgRes.NameRtgSNo.
12IMKovalevskaya Ekaterina2421½ - ½WGMJu Wenjun25368
9GMCmilyte Viktorija25251 - 0GMKosintseva Tatiana25367
10GMKosteniuk Alexandra24690 - 1GMStefanova Antoaneta25286
11IMGalliamova Alisa2498½ - ½GMKosintseva Nadezhda25605
1IMMunguntuul Batkhuyag24670 - 1GMZhao Xue24974
2GMLahno Kateryna2554½ - ½GMZhu Chen24903