One of Those Days...

So, since he isn’t going to be in the office tomorrow, Mr. Boss made sure he kept me past 5:00 p.m. so that I missed not one, but two buses. The wait for the next one (after rush "hour" in this poop-noodle town), is 40 minutes. It's obviously a power thing with him. Speaks volume about the man's character, doesn't it.

I took the "it must be done tonight since I'm not going to be here" letter into him. He looked at it, read it thoroughly twice, signed it, and then, glancing at the clock, said "This doesn't have to go out tonight. Be sure you proof read it and sign it for me if you find any errors".

I may just slip in an error or two not there at 5:15 p.m. this evening. He complained so much about the last "error" I made, when I typed "chess of drawers" (oops) instead of "chest of drawers" and he didn’t catch it despite the fact the letter went through at least three drafts that he proofread each time… Well, darlings, they can fire me, and I'll sue their butts for age discrimination, sexual discrimination, and violations of the Americans with Disabilities Act (I believe I'm suffering from early onset Alzheimers, not to mention having been driven insane because of working for this Person for the past five years...)

The bus ride home tonight, once it finally came, was relatively peaceful. Only two loud teenaged girls sitting in the back seat, talking ghetto (do any teenagers speak standard English these days?), spraying really lousy, stinky cologne over each other for two miles (the scent permeated the whole bus and since it’s freezing cold outside opening windows to try and clear the air was not an option). They got off on 27th Street, Thank Goddess! I ride to 84th Street and another couple of miles south.

Then, the mile hike home in pitch dark. I live in a suburban area, not well lit. Just what I need to cap a lovely day spent earning my pay. Walking home in the dark, in the cold, wondering what might jump out at me from the shrubs, wondering what even worse might decide to pull up in a car, or shoot from a moving vehicle.

I was in need of something to cheer me up beyond my fantasies of torture and murder of Mr. Schmuck "oh my plantar’s fasciatis hurts, owie, you must now feel sorry for me, that's an order". It showed up by way of an email waiting for me tonight when I finally got home - not shot, not raped, fortunately not dead.

Some months ago, I believe it was in March, I ordered and paid for in advance a limited edition book on chess pieces. It was advertised in the Chess Collectors newsletter, and so I figured they were vetted and creditable people, as the Chess Collectors are very rich and are nobody's fools.

WELL! The book has been delayed twice already. And tonight in my email I received this:

Beste besteller van het boek 'Chessmen', Hierbij vragen wij u om nog enig geduld voor dit boek. Bij de eerste druk is er helaas iets misgegaan, waardoor het boek thans in herdruk is. Naar verwachting zal Chessmen in week 47 (week van 19-23 november) verschijnen. Het boek zal vervolgens zo snel mogelijk aan alle bestellers worden uitgeleverd. Wij hopen u hiermee voldoende te hebben geïnformeerd en danken u bij voorbaat dank voor uw begrip. -- Met vriendelijke groet,Renske Pronk

I figured it had something to do with my book order, and deduced from a few scant clues – such as "boek" means "book" and "in week 47 (week van 19-23 november)" - that the book would be released sometime during the week of November 19-23, 2007 (I hope 2007). Just for the hell of it, I ran the words through AltaVista’s babelfish translator and got a good laugh. Here is the ‘translation:’

Dear besteller of the book ' Chessmen ', We you ask for still some patience for this book. At the first very something has unfortunately gone wrong, as a result of which the book is now in herdruk. According to the expectations Chessmen in weak 47 (yielded of 19-23 November) will appear. The book will vervolgens as soon as possible be extradited to all bestellers. We hope have informed you sufficiently and thank you in advance thanks for your term. -- Kind regards, Renske pronk

I got a really good laugh out of that translation, darlings. I thought "besteller" had something to do with "best seller" – which would have been interesting since the book hasn’t even been released yet! Just goes to show you what a day at the office can do to one’s brain function. Duh! After reading the babelfish ‘translation,’ I realized it means something like "Dear Stupid Person Who Has Pre-Ordered This Book and Paid for It In Full Already, Ha Ha Ha".

Oh Goddess! I almost peed in my pants, I was laughing so hard…