Ninja Squirrels - Oy!

From The Mercury News online Squirrel 'Matrix' Contra Costa Times Article Launched: 02/03/2008 02:17:01 PM PST Queen: I believe in ninja squirrels. There, I said it. Driving to work Wednesday morning, one of the furry creatures darted across Oak Grove Road. He scampered quickly and was sure to clear my lane when, for some reason, he stopped. He stood there, right in front of me, head tilted to one side as if he'd suddenly remembered something he left at home. There was no time to brake. I screamed (a little). I lifted my feet up (I always do that, not sure why) and BAM! At least, I expected a bam or maybe even a bump, but no. I caught sight of the squirrel in my rear view mirror. He wasn't flattened, or even ruffled, he just stood there. Somehow this little guy had the intestinal fortitude to stare down the Royal 'Rolla's bumper and duck. Well done, furry grasshopper. Well done. Commuter: Every morning I drive from San Ramon down southbound Interstate 680 toward Pleasanton. I go over the connector ramp from I-680 toward eastbound I-580 and take the first exit, (Exit 30) Hopyard Road, in Pleasanton. There are some barrel barriers to the left immediately after you exit, and one of them has a metal rake stuck in it. This barrel could easily be hit by a vehicle, and the rake head is at just such a level that it could go through a windshield and cause great bodily harm. Or the rake head could deflect off onto another car. In either case, much damage would be done, as it is the hard-metal teeth type of rake, not a leaf rake with softer tines. If you have any trouble with the location of the rake head, let me know. I could get my husband to take a digital picture if that would be important, but it is in plain sight so no one could miss it if they take the proper exit and look left to the barrels. Thank you for any help you could provide to get this removed before someone is injured. Linda Julos, San Ramon Queen: I decided to take advantage of the brief sunshine Wednesday to see the rake for myself. It appears the recent rain and wind has shifted the rake's position among the "CrashGard" (that's how they spell it) barrels. When I drove by, it was leaning off to the right, which made it harder to spot. Hence, my newfound familiarity with the area's onramps and offramps. Good times. Contra Costa maintenance superintendent Michael Terry says he doesn't know why the rake would be there. "Sometimes CHP removes debris and sets it out of the (roadway) as does some private citizen," he said via e-mail. The area in question is out of his region, but Terry sent a request to the appropriate supervisor to have the offending yard tool removed. "We do not always get the call that the item is there," he said. "Those extra eyes out there are sometimes a help." This was one of those times. Ask and ye shall receive, Linda. Before I could finish writing this answer, the rake was removed by Caltran's Livermore maintenance crew on Thursday, under the direction of Bill Kimball. Kudos to all. Surprisingly, rakes along with other yard tools are frequently "left behind" on the highway along with a myriad of other items, Terry said. "The easiest way to say what is dropped on the road would be to look in any major department store catalog," he said. "We do get a lot of repeat offenders though (such as) mattresses, box springs...all sorts of garden tools and ladders, car hoods, dozens of bags of lawn/garden clippings each week and sleeping bags and kiddie pools are popular summer items." There are also life vests that blow out of the back of boats, camper shells that were "bought six years ago" and haven't been tightened down since, he said. Household items such as couches, recliners, washing machines, bookshelves, tables and dressers are also popular roadside finds. Last year, in Contra Costa alone, local Adopt-A-Highway groups picked up over 3,000 bags of trash along the highways to improve their communities and the Caltrans Delta Region litter programs picked up over 29,000 bags. To make matters worse, the figures above don't include the 1,000-plus cubic yards of debris that are intentionally dumped on the highway. "Multiply this times the nine Bay Area counties and this is an expensive process when factoring in manpower, equipment and dumping fees," Terry said. Caltrans and the CHP will be teaming up again on March 4 for a Litter Enforcement Day. ************************************************************************************* Through confidential squirrel sources, I have learned that the California Society of Ninja Squirels Anonymous is sending a contingent to help with the highway clean-up in March. I have also learned (through those same confidential squirrel sources), that it was the squirrels of Oak Grove Road themselves who, in a playful mood, set up the so-called dangerous rake situation. Upon closer inspection, it was revealed that the rake was imbedded in cement inside the barrel and wouldn't have flown out for hell nor high water - any car crashing into the barrel holding the rake would have bounced off of it, and not the other way around. The squirrels say the odds are much greater for one of them to be hit and smushed by a speeding motor vehicle than for a driver of one of said speeding motor vehicles to be injured and/or killed by a flying rake embedded in quick-set cement. Thus sayeth the squirrels.