Ohmygoddess!
Talk about pushing JanXena to the limits of her short fuse! Happy was I when I arrived home after a long, difficult day at the office to see that my lamps, wing chair slip cover and new prints for above my headboard had arrived from their various retailers. MAD was I an hour later when, profusely sweating and even more profusely swearing, I ripped the assembly instructions (translated from Chinese to "English") into a million tiny shreads and flushed them down the garbage disposal. I was about to hurl the uncooperative lamp across the room when my better angel said "no, JX, better not do that - you should return the offending @^$#*(% and get your money back...
So, I just shook it for about 35 seconds - real hard.
I had purchased a pair - so I unpacked the second lamp and examined it - but, lo and behold, the lamp "saddle" rested snugly where it was supposed to, not rattling around like a nail inside a jar. Thus, I concluded, the first lamp was DEFECTIVE. The second lamp - which I have not yet attempted to put together (I figured I'd better cool down over the next 24 hours before attempting a second assembly job) appears to be correctly assembled in its parts, which I am somehow supposed to assemble with a 200 foot long cord attaching all the sundry parts together, without "twisting" the cord. It took me 45 minutes just to pull and shove and tug the cord down through teeny tiny holes through the base of the lamp to pull all the assorted pieces close enough together to even begin to "firmly put into place" according to the pidgeon English instructions. Ha! Evidently the Chinese censors would not allow the translator at the factory to use the words "screw" or "screw together."
So, tomorrow night I will attempt to assemble the second lamp with the correctly anchored saddle. I expect it will go together much easier than the first lamp, despite not being able to "twist the cord." As for the defective lamp, rather than packing it back up and shipping it back, or hauling it to the nearest retailer (who shall remain nameless) to demand a refund (which may have led to my arrest for assault and battery), I put my 129 IQ to good purpose and jerry-rigged the loose saddle into firmness with tiny bits of cardboard stuffed in strategic places and some Super Glue... And if my house should burn down because I used the lamp after I twisted the cord, this blog entry is my evidence (for I shall be dead, burnt to a crisp no doubt) upon which no jury would find me 50% negligent or more. Therefore my Estate would recover from the manufacturer of the defective lamp that would have caught fire anyway (despite my bits of cardboard and Super Glue) and my ghost shall be rich beyond all imagining. Sigh.
By the way, that's not my screwed up lamp, but the way the shade tilts, that is what my new lamp looked like when I first put it together - before severe shaking and treatment with cardboard bits and Super Glue...
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Pssst... I'll Pay You For Putting This Lamp Together
Ohmygoddess!
Talk about pushing JanXena to the limits of her short fuse! Happy was I when I arrived home after a long, difficult day at the office to see that my lamps, wing chair slip cover and new prints for above my headboard had arrived from their various retailers. MAD was I an hour later when, profusely sweating and even more profusely swearing, I ripped the assembly instructions (translated from Chinese to "English") into a million tiny shreads and flushed them down the garbage disposal. I was about to hurl the uncooperative lamp across the room when my better angel said "no, JX, better not do that - you should return the offending @^$#*(% and get your money back...
So, I just shook it for about 35 seconds - real hard.
I had purchased a pair - so I unpacked the second lamp and examined it - but, lo and behold, the lamp "saddle" rested snugly where it was supposed to, not rattling around like a nail inside a jar. Thus, I concluded, the first lamp was DEFECTIVE. The second lamp - which I have not yet attempted to put together (I figured I'd better cool down over the next 24 hours before attempting a second assembly job) appears to be correctly assembled in its parts, which I am somehow supposed to assemble with a 200 foot long cord attaching all the sundry parts together, without "twisting" the cord. It took me 45 minutes just to pull and shove and tug the cord down through teeny tiny holes through the base of the lamp to pull all the assorted pieces close enough together to even begin to "firmly put into place" according to the pidgeon English instructions. Ha! Evidently the Chinese censors would not allow the translator at the factory to use the words "screw" or "screw together."
So, tomorrow night I will attempt to assemble the second lamp with the correctly anchored saddle. I expect it will go together much easier than the first lamp, despite not being able to "twist the cord." As for the defective lamp, rather than packing it back up and shipping it back, or hauling it to the nearest retailer (who shall remain nameless) to demand a refund (which may have led to my arrest for assault and battery), I put my 129 IQ to good purpose and jerry-rigged the loose saddle into firmness with tiny bits of cardboard stuffed in strategic places and some Super Glue... And if my house should burn down because I used the lamp after I twisted the cord, this blog entry is my evidence (for I shall be dead, burnt to a crisp no doubt) upon which no jury would find me 50% negligent or more. Therefore my Estate would recover from the manufacturer of the defective lamp that would have caught fire anyway (despite my bits of cardboard and Super Glue) and my ghost shall be rich beyond all imagining. Sigh.
By the way, that's not my screwed up lamp, but the way the shade tilts, that is what my new lamp looked like when I first put it together - before severe shaking and treatment with cardboard bits and Super Glue...
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