Shopping and Cleaning My Closet

This is one of those "Everything" entries, darlings. Whew - it's been a busy weekend. Too busy, actually; right now I'm scrambling to get laundry done and I'm cleaning out old clothes in my closet that I'll never fit into again in this life because the Purple Heart Veterans folks are coming by to collect it all bright and early tomorrow morning. Tomorrow it's back to the office for the daily grind for another 40 hours. Goddess, I can't wait until I can retire! Saturday saw me in a shopping mood - a rarity these days. I used to love shopping; back in my 20's (ahhh, those were the days), on Saturday mornings my roommates and I would trek "downtown," which actually had clothing shops of all sorts in those days, and we'd shop and shop - searching for just the perfect outfit to wear to the disco that night or the following weekend. Then we'd have lunch at the counter at Woolworths. I had a collection of spectacular dresses that went out of fashion as quickly as they came into fashion :) When I hit my 30's, I lost interest in (1) disco and (2) shopping, but never in (3) men :) I also used to wear hot pants. LOL! I used to wear my hair in a "shag." Does anyone out there still remember the "Sasoon" cut? Double LOL! So, my knees are aching like the dickens since 2:00 p.m. because the weather is changing - it's supposed to get back to summer here for the next week, a welcome relief from "end-of-October" temperatures! The "oh-my-knees-are-aching" is a good excuse to NOT shove around the lawn mower for several hours cutting the front and back yards - but the grass is growing so, alas, I must do it sooner or later, unless I can hire someone tomorrow to do it for me - I've had it with grass cutting for the season. It was pleasant enough this afternoon to sit on the deck for an hour and read the sales papers from the gigantic Sunday newspaper. It's not Sunday if I can't read those sales papers, you know, although I rarely make a note to go out and buy anything I see in them these days. Okay - back to shopping - I hit the mall at 9:26 a.m. yesterday and several stores weren't yet open, but I had a goal in mind (four pairs of dress slacks for the office in assorted colors) and Kohl's was open. By 10 the rest of the mall was open for business and I crossed back and forth in search of the perfect-fitting pair of dress slacks four times on the top level, and four times on the bottom level. I stopped for lunch at 1:00 p.m. or thereabouts, and exhausted and disappointed with my miniscule shopping haul, I decided to get my hair cut after stuffing myself with a Big Mac Meal. Okay-no comments about the obvious here, please! Alas, the Regis salon that used to be at the Mall isn't there anymore, and so I left bereft, sans four pairs of dress slacks and sans haircut, but happy with a Big Mac in my stomach making me sleepy... Forever sunny of nature (ahem), I am one of those people who sees the glass half full rather than half empty. Although I tried on dozens of slacks and was getting more and more depressed as the sizes kept getting larger and larger, I did find two pair that fit to perfection. I had better luck with tops - two sweaters and two blouses were added to my haul. When I got home I went online and was able to hunt down and purchased three different colored pairs of slacks of the same brand, cut and size (I sure hope they are the same size as those that fit me at the Mall) that I could NOT find at the Mall. I ask you, what the hell are Malls coming to, when a woman who wants to shop cannot find something to buy??? I swear there's a conspiracy going on among clothing designers - they all hate women! - and is it my imagination or are most of the clothing designers gay men these days? I have nothing against gay men (or gay women, either), except it seems to me that the gay men design clothing for stick figures, not for real women with curves and bulges! Well, not just the gay men - all those damned designers! A pox on them all! And the sizing, oi yay! We've sent men to the Moon and still have land-rovers running around on Mars continuing to obtain and transmit scientific information back to us years after their useful lives were supposed to have gone kaput! And yet we don't have a uniform system of sizing clothing for women! Ridiculous! In some things I'm a size 10; in other things I can't get a leg into a size 10, or an arm either, for that matter - and the sizes climb into the 1X, 2X, 3X, etc. Come now, I'm not a 3X - whatever that means (it's just really big, like a tent). Generally I'm a size 16; 0kay, no cracks about the size, not until you've tried on as many clothes over the years as I have. Marilyn Monroe was a size 14, you know. I've got a generous figure - my beanpole days ended when I hit 48. I don't mind it, generally, I like how I look. But it's a real pain in the butt shopping for clothes that fit me and are suitable for my age and profession when the fashion industry insists on producing clothing for Twiggy-sized teenagers who all want to look like Brittany Spears. Like - Gag Me! Even worse, this same fashion industry now produces those Twiggy-size Brittany slutty fashions in sizes that might fit me, if only I would try them on. Except the clothing is designed for an 8 year old who wants to look like a hooker, not a ___ year old who uses wrinkle eraser cream at night :) I would look absolutely ridiculous in such outfits - believe me - I've seen women of my age and relative size trying to wear them in public - shame shame shame... I'm too frugal - and realistic - to waste my money on such nonsense! Okay, so I hauled my newly-purchased clothing home and tackled the closet - continued today (in between bouts of laundry). Every outfit tells a story, story (wasn't that a Rod Stewart song years ago???) So, it's taking much longer to do this cleaning-out stuff than I thought would. For instance, there's the size 6 "dusty pink" number I wore to the wedding reception of an attorney (who married his thrice-divorced secretary) in - I think it must have been 1987 - who was later disbarred for embezzling client funds...There's the size 12 100% polyester black crinkled pants-set with white and yellow daisies (what was I thinking?)...there's the size minus 2 maroon chiffon number I wore in Las Vegas back in - well, never mind, let's just say I had a lot of success with that maroon chiffon number :). And then there are the "career" additions to the closet from years past - pink, green and lavender suits that haven't been in fashion in - well, never mind (again) - all sizes 6 and 8. There are also the more "serious" size 10, 12 and 14 suits, in navy, grey and black - and one red tartan plaid (what was I thinking?) Oh - and jumpers - jumpers? - that look like they'd fit my 8 year old niece... It's painful to part with those jumpers - they're so damned cute! Well, you get the idea. And don't even get me started on the shoes... I was much smarter with my purse purchases, thank goddess for small favors!