Is There Nothing Sacred Anymore?

One of a lady's most important accessories is her purse (handbag) and no, I'm not talking about one of those ugly things that young people sling about their backs on strings that must wear out after 4 weeks! I'm talking about a true handbag, the kind Coach sells for $400 and more. In her handbag a lady holds not only such essentials as make-up, keys, checkbook, credit cards, address book (or blackberry) and cell phone, she also holds the keys to untold mysteries and anticipated emergencies. In my handbag, I hold safety pins, sanitary hand wipes, a blunt scissors, note paper and pens, tissue, antihistamine pills, hair clips, matches and a miniature plastic bottle of sanitizing liquid, some warped pennies, an afro pik (no, I'm not black and no, I don't have an afro), and various identity and membership cards. There are also some wrapped candies, expired coupons, worn out pieces of paper and receipts that I can no longer make out, and there is always reading material of some kind or other. Geez, no wonder the damn thing weighs a ton. What is in a lady's handbag is private. Its contents are between the lady and the Goddess of Handbags. Can you imagine the embarrassment a man might feel upon digging around in a lady's bag and pulling out a Tampax (hopefully still in wrapper)? And there's nothing worse than used tissues stuffed at the bottom of the bag... So, imagine my shock and horror upon reading tonight that a NEW BOOK will disclose what the Queen of England, Elizabeth II, carries around in her handbag. Oh my! Quel horreurs! Secrets of the Queen's handbag revealed in new book 10 OCTOBER 2007 She's rarely seen without an elegant handbag on her arm, but the question of what the Queen keeps inside it has long remained a mystery. Now a new book claims to shed light on the contents of the royal matriarch's main accessory. It also gives a fascinating insight into the routines and habits of her everyday life, including what she has for breakfast and the care arrangements for her beloved corgis. What's In The Queen's Handbag: And Other Royal Secrets reveals that though the 81-year-old monarch doesn't carry cash, keys or a passport - since she doesn't own one - her bag is far from empty. Inside are a collection of good luck charms given to her by her children, including miniature dogs, horses and saddles, plus family snaps. The most treasured of which is a photo of Prince Andrew on his safe return from the Falklands in 1982. Also inside the tote is a make-up case, given to her by Prince Philip as a wedding gift 60 years ago. It also houses an s-shaped metal meat hook which she places on the edge of the dinner table, from which to suspends her handbag, keeping it off the floor. Other secrets shared in the book include the canny sign language she uses to communicate with her staff. If she places her handbag on the table at a dinner it signifies she wishes the event to finish in the next five minutes, whereas its presence on the floor indicates she feels the conversation leaves a little to be desired and she wants to be rescued by a lady-in-waiting.