Solemn Thoughts Near Christmas: Intimate Memories Part 3

As you are aware, I've often posted shocking and disturbing news articles about the treatment of women and children.  However, we need to maintain our awareness that abuse is a major problem right here in our own back yard.  And we need to stop shrugging our shoulders as if it isn't our problem.  Violence is everyone's problem. I knew the statistics were shocking, but I had no idea!

According to grab stats. com, on average, three women in the United States are killed at the hands of a spouse, former spouse, boyfriend or former boyfriend each and every day of the year.  It looks like grab stats' numbers are more than ten years old!

The following statistics are from the Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

• According to the U.S. Surgeon General, domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women in the United States.
• The American Medical Association estimates that their male partners assault 2 million American women each year.
• The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women.
• A woman is beaten every 15 seconds in the United States. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, Report to the nation on Crime and Justice. The Data. Washington DC Office of Justice Program, US Dept. of Justice. Oct 1983)
• 35% of all emergency room calls are a result of domestic violence.
• Of those who abuse their partner, well over 65% also physically and/or sexually abuse the children.
• Each day .....4 women die as a result of abuse.
• Each day .....3 children die as a result of abuse.

You get the picture.

What most people don't think about if they think about "domestic" violence at all was most saliently addressed in "A Grim Tally: Abusers, Guns, and the Women They Kill," by Andrea Grimes, at RH Reality Check:

The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that, on average, more than three women a day are killed by current or former intimate partners in the United States, and many of the should-haves and could-haves that pepper Smith’s relationship with her estranged husband are the same should-haves and could-haves thrown at the thousand or more women who are killed by their partners in this country each year: should have gone to a shelter, should have taken a lethality risk test, could have filed charges, could have testified against him.

The problem with that should-have, could-have conversation is the popular implication that the ability, and the responsibility, to change the behavior of abusive men lies not with the abusers, but with the partners they strike, strangle, and shoot.

It’s why the question “Why didn’t she leave?” is far more common than, “Why did he abuse her?”
But research shows us why she, whoever she might be, didn’t leave: she didn’t have the money, she didn’t want to take the kids out of school, she couldn’t find a shelter, there was no shelter, she was embarrassed, her pastor or her mother or her father or her sister told her a good wife doesn’t give up, her self-esteem was in shreds, she had literally nowhere to go, or she knew that, in leaving, she would put herself in more danger than if she stayed.

But if women can’t be blamed for inciting violence in their partners, or at least scolded for not bailing at the first red flag, the problem of why intimate partner violence happens in the first place, and what to do about it, becomes much more complicated than asking the broken-record question, “Why didn’t she leave?”

That's the discussion that is still not being seriously addressed in this country -- why men abuse the women and children they claim to love. 

Notice how the onus of the crime is put on the victim!  Despite the fact that we know why many women don't leave -- especially women of color.  It was my experience more than 30 years ago that the women who came into the DA's office to file complaints against abusive spouses and boyfriends were overwhelmingly Caucasian.  I don't imagine that's changed very much, despite statistics showing us that women of color are more likely to be victims of abuse.  There may be as many factors at work to explain a woman's reluctance to report the crime -- because abuse IS a crime -- as there are that work against a woman leaving her abuser.

No easy answers.  So, is there anything we can do?  I've a few ideas.

STOP BLAMING THE VICTIM FOR THE CRIMES OF THE ABUSER!

Knowledge is power.  We need to educate ourselves about the problem and the issues involved.

Talk about it!  There is such a reluctance in this country to talk about the abuse that is taking place all around us.  Why why why do we accept such a level of violence in our culture?  We need to speak up and speak out -- especially women, because the violence overwhelmingly affects US AND OUR CHILDREN! 

We need to become buttinskis.  If we suspect a woman or children we know are being abused, we need to ACT.  If you can't bring yourself to ask directly, call a local program to get some direction.  If you suspect children are being abused, call Child Protective Services and make a report right away.  Don't rationalize that someone else is bound to report suspected abuse so you don't have to!  Is it really better for a child or children to remain in an abusive situation?  BREAK THE TABOO THAT THIS IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. 

Can you get involved?  Volunteers are always needed at local advocate programs and women's support service groups.  If you have the time, maybe you can help out.  It doesn't have to be as an advocate.  I'll be frank -- it was a draining experience that time I put in as a Task Force advocate and I don't know that I would ever want to do it again.  But perhaps you can volunteer to do office or organizing work, or local fund-raising outreach if that is your forte.

If you can afford it, contribute money to battered women's groups and shelters.  There is not enough shelter space - ever - but particularly for women with children.  Even if an abused woman decides to leave her abuser, she is not going to leave her children behind!  Every little bit helps.  The women who run local programs to aid victims of domestic violence know how to stretch a penny! 

If you cannot afford to contribute money, inquire as to needs for other items.  Clothing is often needed, towels, washcloths, toiletries and the like are needed.  Beds, mattresses and bedding are needed.  Childrens' books and stuffed animals, pajamas, robes, slippers are often needed.  Maybe you have some of these things that you are not using and would consider donating to a local group.  Consider asking if you can help with painting and decorating a women's and children's shelter.

Could your church or benevolent organization to which you belong get involved in raising awareness and hold a fund-raiser a couple times a year?  Fund-raising can be a bake sale, a silent auction, a craft fair.  It doesn't have to be elaborate to be effective! 

These are some of my ideas.  Maybe you can think of more and better ones! 

Afghanistan School Girls Poisoned

Sadly, once the last of the U.S. military presence is "officially" removed from Afghanistan, you know, and I know, and we all know, what will happen to any Afghani girl who dares to go to school, and to any Afghani female who wants to teach, or nurse in a hospital, or work as a secretary, or be a clerk in a grocery store, or try out for an Olympic running team, or play badmitton or chess, or learn how to read and write...

Official: 122 girls, 3 teachers poisoned at Afghan school

From Nick Paton Walsh, CNN

updated 5:23 PM EDT, Wed May 23, 2012

 

Kabul, Afghanistan (CNN) -- More than 120 girls and three teachers were admitted to an Afghanistan hospital Wednesday after being poisoned in their classes with a type of spray, a Takhar provincial official said. The incident occurred in the provincial capital of Talokhan, in the Bibi Hajera girls school, said Dr. Hafizullah Safi, director of public health for the northern Afghanistan province. Forty of the 122 girls were still hospitalized, he said, with symptoms including dizziness, vomiting, headaches and loss of consciousness.

Blood samples have been sent to Kabul in an effort to determine the substance used, he said. "A number of girls from 15 to 18 were brought from a school to hospital today," said hospital director Dr. Habibullah Rostaqi.

"Generally they are not in a critical condition. We are looking after them, but let's see what happens later. We understand so far from the situation ... they are more traumatized."

"The Afghan people know that the terrorists and the Taliban are doing these things to threaten girls and stop them going to school," said Khalilullah Aseer, spokesman for Takhar police. "That's something we and the people believe. Now we are implementing democracy in Afghanistan and we want girls to be educated, but the government's enemies don't want this."

There have been several instances of girls being poisoned in schools in recent years. In April, also in Takhar province, more than 170 women and girls were hospitalized after drinking apparently poisoned well water at a school. Local health officials blamed the acts on extremists opposed to women's education.

While nearly all the incidents involve girls, earlier this month nearly 400 boys at a school in Khost province fell ill after drinking water from a well that a health official said may have been poisoned.

The Taliban is struggling with the country's government over Afghan schools. It recently demanded the closure of schools in two eastern provinces. In Ghazni province, the school closure was in retaliation for the government's ban on motorbikes often used by insurgents. Locals in Wardak province said the Taliban has been a little more lenient and has allowed schools to open late after making changes to the curriculum.

The battle indicates broader fears about Afghanistan's future amid the drawdown of U.S. troops in the country. NATO leaders on Monday signed off on U.S. President Barack Obama's exit strategy from Afghanistan, which calls for an end to combat operations next year and the withdrawal of the U.S.-led international military force by the end of 2014.

During the Taliban's rule from 1996 to 2001, many Afghan girls were not allowed to attend school. The schools began reopening after the regime was toppled by the U.S.-led invasion in 2001. However, observers say abuse of women remains common in the post-Taliban era and is often accepted in conservative and traditional families, where women are barred from school and sometimes [! only sometimes?] subjected to domestic violence.

Afghan Education Minister Dr. Farooq Wardak told the Education World Forum in London in January 2011 that the Taliban had abandoned its opposition to education for girls, but the group has never confirmed that.

Three Women Caned in Malaysia for Adultery

From CNN World

3 women caned in Malaysia for adultery
By Joe Sterling, CNN
February 17, 2010 2:41 p.m. EST

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (CNN) -- For the first time, Malaysian authorities have caned three Muslim women under Islamic law for acts of adultery, the Malaysian national news agency Bernama said.

Home Minister Hishamuddin Hussein announced the canings Wednesday, saying the penalty was carried out February 9 at a women's prison near Kuala Lumpur.

The canings -- a punishment that persists across Malaysian society since the British colonial era of the 19th century -- have been denounced by one Amnesty International official, who says "caning is tantamount to torture."

But Hishamuddin said the punishment was carried out "to educate and make the offenders realize their mistakes and to return to the right path."

"It is hoped that the issue will not be wrongly interpreted to the extent of tarnishing the sanctity of Islam," he was quoted as saying. He also said the punishment did not cause any injury and that the women were remorseful and repented, Bernama reported.

The women were struck with a rattan cane. One woman was released Sunday after spending a month in prison, another will be released in the next few days, and the third will be released in June.

Malaysia, which considers itself a moderate Muslim country, has a dual-track justice system, in which Islamic courts operate alongside civil ones. Muslims make up about 60 percent of the country's population of 28 million.

Last year, a woman was sentenced to caning under Islamic law for drinking alcohol in public -- beer at a hotel bar -- and that case caused an uproar in the country. Malaysia forbids alcohol consumption by Muslims, even those who are visiting the country.

The caning sentence of Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno has been postponed while the issue is under review, and she said that if she were to be caned, she wanted the flogging to occur in public.

"Let's be transparent about it," said Kartika, a mother and part-time model. An Islamic court also fined her $1,400 for the act. She has pleaded guilty and paid the fine.

Lance Lattig, a researcher on Malaysia for the human rights group Amnesty International, told CNN that the vast majority of canings are applied to illegal immigrants by civil courts, but the latest examples indicate that sharia courts happen to be picking up on the practice.

"It's not Muslims on the march," he said. "It's the tip of the iceberg of the bigger problem."

No matter who does it, he says, the group considers caning to be "cruel, inhumane and degrading."

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How were these women charged with the "crime" of adultery? Who accused them? How does anyone know that these women committed adultery? What is the evidence?  If the women confessed, were the men they committed the "crime" with also arrested, tried, convicted, tossed into jail and caned? If not, why not? It takes two to commit the "crime" of adultery. A double standard is NOT justice, no matter how religious authorities try to twist the words of the Koran. The same punishment has to apply to both parties to the crime, or the entire premise of this "crime" is false - a hypocritical means of keeping "uppity women" in line.