Update

Hola! The Showgirls have been sending me updates from Bonn, but none of them make much sense. It seems they are up to their beautiful ears in intrigue. Bambi seems to be claiming responsibility for GM Kramnik's win in Game 10 yesterday to bring the score to Anand 6/Kramnik 4. Play resumes tomorrow. Kramnik would have to pull off a nearly impossible feat - winning the last 2 games, just in order to force a play-off with Anand (rapid chess and then blitz and then - the dreaded Armageddon game if it comes to that), and he would have to win in the forced play-offs in order to reclaim the title from Anand. Depending upon what further reports I get (or not) from the Girls, I'll cobble a report together soon. Things will reach a climax - one way or another!!! - if it comes to a Game 12 in any event. We'll see, darlings. Meanwhile, good news is - I finally lost that blasted 10th pound! Weighed myself this morning and it was gone, vanished! Hopefully, forever! I'm a week behind schedule - target date for losing the next 10 pounds is November 25th. In celebration of my 10 pound weight loss, tomorrow I'm treating myself to an exclusive spa haircut - but since I'm pinching my pennies just like everyone else seems to be these days, it's only because I got a 50% off coupon. I haven't gone to this place before, but the hairdresser seems very sweet - young enough to be a daughter and outside today handing out coupons without a scarf or gloves on! She took my half-kidding scolding in good course so I made an appointment practically on the spot. I'm going for a "Posh" Beckham layered, angled bob (with bangs). Will let you know how it turns out, darlings!

Oh Those Showgirls! Kramnik! Anand!

Thursday, October 23, 2008, Bonn: Candi: I can't believe it - I just can't believe any of this is happening. Anand played (1) d4 again! Oh, Bambi, it's, it's - well, I just can't think of the right word at the moment - I'm sure it will come to me. Bambi: Candi, it's perfectly reasonable that Vishy would play (1) d4 again, since it's clear by now that is a line of play he's concentrated his home prep on for months. He's been successful with it too - unbelievably successful. Why mess with success? Candi: You've been reading the commentators again, haven't you. Bambi: Yes, and so have you. Candi: I can't believe that Vlady only managed a draw. Bambi: Well, he was playing black. Candi: Yes, but he had our secret weapon moves! Honestly, is it too much to ask the man to at least play them correctly? All that effort - down the toilet! Bambi: Candi, you did deliver the letter containing our moves to Vlady, didn't you? Candi: I gave the envelope to Leaky. He's the one who answered the door at Vlady's suite. Bambi: WHAT! Ooooh noooo! But you realize what this means - what must have happened! Candi: What? What happened? All I know is that Vlady didn't play the knight moves we sent him. Bambi: Exactly! That's because Leaky didn't give Vlady the letter, he read it himself but HE DIDN'T KNOW THE CODE! Candi: Ohmygoddess! I forgot! THE CODE! Bambi: He gave Vlady the moves, but he played them out of sequence! Ohmygoddess! Candi: Oh, oh, I think I feel faint again, Bambi. Bambi: Don't you faint on me again, Candi. Pull yourself together. We've got to think about what to do! Candi: Two days ago you were telling me to read your lips, that nothing could be done. Now you're thinking about what we can do? Bambi: I'm only trying to mitigate the damage that's already been done. You studied law - remember the concept - "Mitigation of Damages?" Anyway, you were the one who suggested "Knight Moves." Candi: Oh - right. Bambi: Candi, are you in love with Vlady? Candi: WHAT! Good Goddess, no. Absolutely not! Bambi! How could you think such a thing? Bambi: You've been acting strangely ever since we got here. You didn't know Vlady was married; and you fainted when you saw the wedding pictures! Were you carrying on with him? Candi: I have not been carrying on with Vlady here in Bonn. I fainted when I saw That Woman! And you know, Bambi, something has been knocking on the door of my brain ever since I saw her photograph. She reminds me of somebody, somebody we both know, only - I can't think of who it is she reminds me of! But I know we both know her. I'm surprised you haven't recognized her. Bambi: Before you told me that those photographs of Vlady's wife were of Olga Villiers, I had no idea what she looked like. I can't say I've seen that face before. And she would have been - Candi: I want to talk about The Hex. You said we were The Hex eight years ago in London. Bambi: Yes - I'm certain of it. The only thing that makes sense is that not only did Frogius blackmail me into doing his bidding, he blackmailed you, too! Candi: WHAT? Frogius blackmailed you too? Bambi: A ha! I see it all now! Frogius must have bet heavily against the line, and in order to reap the big pay-off, he had to make sure Kaspy lost to Vlady in the 2000 Brain Games Match. Oh Goddess, and there we were, ripe pickings to do his evil bidding. I cannot believe I was so incredibly stupid! I swear I'll hunt him down if it's the last thing I do - Candi: Oh please! You're upsetting me, Bambi. I hate to see you so - so - vengeful! Vengence is Mine, Sayeth the Lord. I Will Repay! So let's let the Lord do his vengence thingy, and we get out of Dodge while the getting is good. Sounds like a plan to me! I'll start packing - Bambi: Absolutely not. I'm not leaving here until we get to the bottom of this. Tell me this, Candi. Just what hook did Frogius use on you? Candi: Oh - I don't think I want to talk about it. Bambi: Tell me, it's vitally important! Candi: Bambi! Let me go, you're hurting me! Your acrylics are digging into my arms! Bambi: Oh, sorry. Just tell me how he forced you to having an affair with Kaspy. Candi: Well, oh - I can see now just how silly I was to believe him. But at the time, he was soooo convincing. Anyway, he told me that if I didn't do what he wanted, he'd make sure not only that The International Chessoid was wiped off the face of the internet, he'd get rid of Goddesschess, too! And Bambi, I just couldn't let that happen. I just couldn't! Bambi: Now, now, that's all right, Candi, that's all right. No need to get so emotional. My goodness, you really have been uber-emotional lately. Are you sure you're not - Candi: BAMBI! Gloria Belanova! GLORIA BELANOVA! Bambi: Who? Candi: Oh, don't tell me you don't remember her! She was the Riktonator's Personal Assistant for 21 years - his faithful everything! She was to Frogius what Della Street was to Perry Mason! She's the person I had the brain knocking on, the one I couldn't remember. Only now I do. It was Gloria, Gloria - I think I've got your number, Gloria - Bambi: Ohmygoddess! Now I remember! Candi: Look at their pictures side by side - I think - Bambi! I'm having a brain flash - they're Mother and Daughter! Bambi: Ohmygoddess! Frogius sent his own daughter to London to interview Kaspy after that disastrous tournament! And - and -- Candi: Yes? And - and -- Bambi: I haven't got that far in this narrative yet, give me a night to sleep on it, I'll dream something up --

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Holy Pawn! What new revelations will the Showgirls next uncork on us, I ask you? Wow! I'm hyperventilating, darlings, I can't keep up! Intrigue! Romance! Sex? Chess - only Vlady can't follow directions, only he didn't know, because Leaky kept the letter from him, and didn't know The Code! Wait a minute - what is this "Code" business, anyway? And just what were those "Knight Moves" the Girls put in that letter delivered to GM Kramnik's suite, into the hands of GM Peter Leko (one of a team of Seconds)? Will Vishy play (1) d4 tomorrow, in Game 8? Will the Girls put together the rest of the story behind the story of what really happened in London eight years ago? And what is really happening behind the scenes in Bonn today? Will Vlady, er, GM Vladimir Kramnik, have a miraculous epiphany, and suddenly begin playing absolutely brilliant chess, winning the match (wins in 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12, for good measure)? Okay, probably not.

Oh Those Showgirls! Kramnik! Anand!

We last left Candi gracefully passed out on the bear skin rug in front of the fireplace in the Library of the cushy Villa the Girls rented in Bonn during their assignment for Goddesschess: A little while later - Bambi: Candi! Oh, Thank Goddess! You scared the life out of me, collapsing like that! You've never ever fainted before! Don't you ever do that to me again! Candi: Ooooh, ooooh, I feel so strange, Bambi. I think I need something to drink. Bambi: Here's some Boobie Beer - Candi: No, Chivas Regal. Please. With a cherry. Bambi: Are you kidding me? Where do you expect me to come up with some Chivas Regal in the middle of Bonn? Candi: Suitcase - secret compartment. Bambi: Oh - okay, hold on -- Candi: Don't forget the jar of cherries... -- a few minutes later Bambi emerges from the Candi's bedroom with a velvet-covered bottle in one hand and a jar of marischino cherries in the other -- Bambi: Okay, here we are. Over ice? Soda? Candi: Neat, please. I feel just like Patricia Neal! Bambi: Now you're being historical. Candi: Don't you mean hysterical? I feel a bit screamy, actually, and I think I'm seeing pink elephants, too. Bambi: No, I said historical and I meant historical. Patricia Neal, indeed. I've seen that movie too, you know. It's one of my favorites! Now, what was this fainting all about. Candi - tell me true - are your expecting an interesting event? Candi: No, I've been very regular this trip, but thank you for asking. I think it's the grapefruit -- Bambi: That wasn't what I was asking about - oh, never mind. What made you faint? Candi: It was That Woman! Bambi: What woman? Candi: Bambi - are you blind? That Woman! Olga Villiers! The one who interviewed Kasparov for that story in The International Chessoid's December, 2000 End of the Millennium Mega-Edition! The one where he kept saying "Bambi...Bambi..." Oh, it was horrid! Bambi: Please! Get control of yourself, Candi! Olga Villiers? Are you certain? Where did you see her? Candi: Oh honestly, Bambi, you are blind! She's right there on your laptop, those photographs from Chessbase. She married Vlady on December 31, 2006! Bambi: WHAT? Candi: It's true! Did you never meet her at TIC headquarters? Bambi: No - no, I never did. That horrid Riktor Frogius fired us shortly after the 2000 Brain Games Championship, and I haven't been back to TIC since. Ohmygoddess, are you sure it's her? Candi: Sure I'm sure. I forget names all the time, but I never forget a face. That's her! Bambi: Oh, oh - I've got to think about this for a minute - my head hurts! Goddess! Candi: Oh, Bambi! I believe you are discombobulated! Here, sit down, have some of my Chivas Regal with a cherry on top. Bambi: Thank you, Candi. Ohmygoddess! Well, you said something strange was going on, and it certainly is! Only think - Olga Villiers is married to Vlady; Vlady beat, no, he not only beat, he humiliated and destroyed Kaspy, he crushed him, in the London match; Olga Villiers does that embarrassing interview with Kaspy and Mig. Now here is Vlady eight years later married to That Woman! Coincidence? Candi: Are you asking me or telling me? Bambi: That was a rhetorical - oh, never mind. Candi, I smell a rat! Candi: Or a skanky beaver... Bambi: Ohmygoddess! I feel so used! The Hex! Candi: Oh yes, you were going to tell me all about that. What was The Hex? Bambi: Candi - use your brain! It was us! We were The Hex! Candi: Ooooh - er, okay. Bambi: That dirty rotten filthy Communist Nazi Frogius - oh, I could just kill him! I'll strangle him with my thighs - I'll strangle him with one thigh tied behind my back! Candi: Bambi, please! Control yourself. Underage people read the columns at Goddesschess, you know! Bambi: Well, they aren't supposed to! I can't control the Entire Universe, Candi. If underage people are reading our columns at Goddesschess, they'll just have to suck it up and get over it! Candi: Never apologize, never explain. Bambi: Oh, you are so right, Candi! I smell Frogius all over this Operation, his filthy fingerprints are everywhere! Ha! Candi: Ha! Okay, how do we get him? Bambi: Oh Candi, you are my very best friend in the entire world, but I wouldn't ask you to undertake this desperately dangerous mission with me. You could get hurt. Candi: Oh! Er, well, okay. I'm all for fun, but not much for danger - Bambi: Candi! I was only kidding, of course! Candi: Oh! Er, well, of course! A horse is a horse, of course, of course, unless of course, the horse is hoarse, la la la la, la la la La, la la La LAAAAAHHHHH... Bambi: Candi! Oh, you are sooooo brilliant! That is exactly the answer - Candi: Oh! Er, well, of course! A Knight Move? Bambi: Precisely! Candi: Oooooh, I can hardly wait. I just love Knights and Their Moves! But Bambi, won't you please explain to me just how we were The Hex? Bambi: Not now, Candi. We've got lots of work to do -

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Oh oh! What are those Showgirls plotting? Will it have an impact on Vlady's - er, GM Vladimir Kramnik's, play during the second half of the Match? Will a Knight Move come into play (hint hint)? And just what was The Hex, exactly? Stay Tuned for MORE LAS VEGAS SHOWGIRLS!

Oh, Those Showgirls! Kramnik! Anand!

Hola! Things have been developing so quickly in the Kramnik/Anand WCC match in Bonn that the Showgirls can't keep up! But trust me - they's been writing reams of materials and emailing/texting/faxing it to me 24-7. Oy! Rather than waiting until the weekend to assemble all of their reports into one harmonious (or not) whole, I've decided to publish some of their reports as they come in. You can read the Girls' coverage of the first 4 games, published at Goddesschess late Sunday, October 19th - it will give you some much-needed background too on the Girls' rather complicated relationship with Vladimir Kramnik and some of what really happened behind the scenes at the 2000 Brain Games World Chess Championship match in London between Kasparov/Kramnik. Tonight I'm publishing the Girls' bulletins from yesterday and today, as hot off the presses as I can get them up and running here, given the time differential and my work schedule (out the door at 7:30 a.m., in the door at 6:30 p.m.) Even the Girls cannot believe what has been going on - it's almost like a novel what's been happening in Bonn! But it's all true! Kramnik lost again today, once again falling victim in Game 6 to Anand's (1) d4!!!!! I couldn't even make this stuff up if I tried - and neither could the Girls! Anand now leads at the half-way mark 4.5/1.5. Kramnik has only 6 games to frame and forge a comeback -- if he can. Can he? Bambi doesn't seem to think so. Candi seems to think the Girls can concoct some sort of Plan to help Vlady, er, Kramnik, out of his funk. Here, without further ado, are the Girls' reports from Monday October 20 and today, October 21: Monday, October 20, 2008, Paris: Bambi: Okay, this should do it - Candi, tell me what you think of this report to Jan: Dear Jan: White (1) d4 has struck again - this time with disastrous results for Vlady! Unbelievably, in Game 5, Kramnik behind the white pieces played the move Vishy had played in Games 2 and 4! Well, he should have known - copycats always get short shrift! What was he thinking??? While the game involved some intriguing complications (oooh, we just love complications), it was clear after move 29.Nxd4?? that Vlady was lost - and lose he did, to go down 2 full points to Vishy by move 35! Everyone and his uncle is now saying what Vlady should have done was play 29.Ne3 and not swallowed the poison pawn! It is obvious that this former World Champion is not himself - will he be able to recover? The match is only 12 games and in order to avoid a brutal play-off Vlady must win the match outright. So far, he hasn't proven that he can do anything behind the black pieces, and he only has white 3 mores times! What will Vlady do for a come-back tomorrow? More importantly, will Vishy once again uncork (1) d4? Bambi and Candi, Live from Bonn! Candi: Bambi, that's a great report, but it sounds so professional - not quite like us. Do you think Jan will suspect something? Bambi: Oh, I hope not! She can't possibly be reading every single word on the internet about this match - there are millions and millions of them. You know she doesn't care much for men's chess, but then, she is a Goddess and she always seem to know things in a most uncanny way... Candi: Writing from others' internet reports like Polgar and Mig isn't quite the same as being in Bonn live. Poor Vlady! You know, I feel guilty. I think we should go back to Bonn and actually cover the match live, like we promised we would. Maybe we could do something to help Vlady? Bambi: Hmmmm, I've been feeling a bit guilty too. We can always come back to Paris for shopping once Vlady loses - I'm sure it won't take all 12 games! Candi: Bambi! You are not - you are not rooting for Vlady to lose, are you? Bambi: Of course not! I don't wish any ill-will on Vlady. Candi: Bambi - I just have the eeriest feeling that something spooky is going on! Bambi: Hold that thought - we'll talk about it when we get back to Bonn... Tuesday, October 21, 2008, Bonn: Candi: Bambi, oh Bambi, this is a DIS-ASTER! Bambi: Calm down, Candi. Breathe, in ---- out ---- in ---- out ----. That's it. Now sit down, please. Have some Boobie Bottles Tea - here. Candi: Oh, thank you! I feel much better. I think I was cyberventilating! But what are we going to do about this? Bambi: Candi, please, there isn't anything we can do! We can't very well play the games for Vlady, after all, at least - not without cheating. And I would never ever do that in a millions years. And neither would you. Candi: Well, all right, if you say so. But honestly - I told you yesterday - there's something really spooky going on here, and this proves it! Who could possibly have imagined Vishy playing (1) d4 yet again today in Game 6! Unbelievable! I've got chills running up and down my spine just thinking about it. Vlady is doomed, I tell you, doomed! He's hexed - it's come back to haunt him hasn't it - that hex he put on Kaspy back in London. Ohmygoddess! What are we going to do? Bambi: Candi, read my lips - there-is-nothing-we-can-do. Candi: I refuse to believe that. We always come up with a plan, don't we? Remember that time we were cornered in the Casbah in Algiers? And remember that time the pilot had a heart attack on our Cesna and yet we managed to land the plane without a scratch? And remember that time you painted the Black Putin's black labrador white and we had to improvise our escape at the last second because you'd gained so much weight you couldn't get your leg over the wall of the dacha? Bambi: Candi! Don't tell our readers I was too heavy to climb over a brick wall! What will they think? Anyway, I've lost all of that weight and more. Imagine, Jan has started a weight loss plan too, without any prompting from us, and I never thought she'd do that! I think she's planning something spectacular for 2009 and will unveil her new svelt and sexy self in Las Vegas! Candi: Hmmmm, maybe we can find a spot for her in the show -- oh, there you go, dissecting me again. I'm on to your tricks, though, Bambi. You can't fool me again! I am intending. Bambi: Distracting, Bambi, not dissecting, and it's attending, not intending. Yes, you are too sharp for me. Candi: My studying a ten-new-words list every day has vastly improved my vocalibation. Occasionally wearing my glasses helps, too. So - no more dissections! I think we can come up with A Plan. Bambi: Hmmmm, Candi - take a look at this blog entry at Mig's: Bartleby October 21, 2008 12:55 PM Reply That's not him.Instead of playing the slow, quiet position slowly and patiently, he went for dubious activity.Does anyone know if he has fallen in love or something? Candi: Bambi! Do you think it's true - Vlady is in Love!? Bambi: Candi! Control yourself! He is a married man! Candi: WHAT? Oh no he isn't. I KNOW he isn't! Bambi: What are you talking about? For goddess sake, he's been married since December 31, 2006. Chessbase did a big spread on the wedding, photographs and everything. They even got a piece of the wedding cake. Here - look, I've got the website on the laptop -

Candi: Oh, I feel faint, I'm sinking, sinking into the dark swirling mist of unconsciousness, sinking into the abyss of despair - death cannot be far behind - -- whereupon Candi gracefully sinks to the bear skin rug in front of the fireplace in the library where the Girls were sitting in their rented villa on the Rhine River, her eyelids fluttering and then going still.

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Oh my! What drama! Candi fainting - she never faints (trust me, I know, wink wink). What could possibly cause her to faint? Why was she sinking into the "abyss of despair"??? Why was she so certain that Kramnik was not married? Okay - enough telegraphing the story line (har!) No - wait! There's a big surprise coming - Jan, don't give everything away! And at long last, the real truth about the Bambi/Candi/Kaspy/Vlady quadrangle will be revealed! As well as lots of other interesting stuff but all subsidiary to Sex! Shopping! Sex! Scandal! Sex! Sleeping! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Live - From Bonn - It's Bambi and Candi!

Oh, those fabulous Las Vegas Showgirls, Candi Kane and Bambi Darlin! They put their own particular spin on covering big chess events. Even now they're enroute from shopping in Paris (playing hooky, tsk tsk) back to Bonn to continue their two-of-a-kind coverage of the World Chess Championship Match. Read their report on the first four games! THE CURSE OF (1) d4 FOR KRAMNIK???? Stay tuned for their further unique take on events and more scandalous revelations!!! Oy! If the Showgirls are there, can scandal be far behind?