Friday, July 24, 2009

Friday Night Miscellany

I'm tired - this will be short. St. John's Catholic Church has it's festival going on this weekend and the screams of people on the rides and the noises of a really crappy band are blasting into my windows, even though I'm a good three blocks away from the action. Well, it's the same thing every year for the past 19 years except that, after numerous complaints, about 10 years ago the Church opened up its large soccer fields to parking so drunk people no longer park on the subdivision streets where I live and we don't have to clean up plastic beer cups and see staggering dudes urinate on our trees. On Sunday I'll have a front row seat on my deck to the spectacular Bartolotta Brothers fireworks display the festival puts on every year! All the neighbors have parties and invite people to watch the big show from their backyards. Two things on the agenda this evening, both of which have to do with the fact that we're DOOMED, DOOMED I say! Oh no! Oh yes! Was the latest Jupiter collision with - something really fricking BIG - a wake-up call to Earth? Hello, Earth? Geez, NBC just spent the last two Sundays broadcasting METEOR, with a really hot chick in a really bad script. Hmmmm, I sense a conspiracy did NBC know that something really really big was going to hit Jupiter right around this time? Okay, back to reality - really, do we have ANY kind of plan in place for deflecting something the size of whatever it was that hit Jupiter (which is causing the "wound" to grow ever larger and larger...) If not, we're in big trouble, and I'm talking mass extinction event like, wiping out all human life. Oy! This is even better than the SWINE FLU CONSPIRACY I vaguely recall posting about last week... (Photo:from the Times on Line, July 21, 2009 - not exactly reassuring, is it.) Speaking of which, I've read a couple of articles in my local Milwaukee Journal/Sentinel over the past week regarding said SWINE FLU that made the hair on my arms rise up like the Demon Army in Mummy (the movie)! Unfortunately, the "search" feature at isn't working right tonight - at least, not on my computer, so you can just take my word for it that I'm 100% correct in my recollections (har!), or you can just admit right now that we've all taken one big giant step - ONE STEP BEYOND - and we are all now living in THE OUTER LIMITS (cue spooky music...) The first article I read was something about the new SWINE FLU VACCINE not being ready in time, and therefore the GOVERNMENT is soliciting volunteers to be guinea pigs for this unknown vaccine. I found that rather disturbing - not that the vaccine wouldn't be "ready on time" but that the government is soliciting volunteers to test out something that they have no idea what it will do. I mean, don't they usually test this stuff on animals first? What's going to happen to a lab rat that contracts SWINE FLU? Will it grow pig's ears and a corkscrew tail? The second article I read was something about problems with SWINE FLU VACCINE PRODUCTION and therefore at best, the USA will only have 160 million shots of vaccine available sometime in October. The alarm is already being sounded by the CENTER FOR DISEASE COTROL in Atlanta, Georgia USA that the SWINE FLU is expected to really spike once all the kids go back to school in September. Okay - let's do some simple deductive reasoning (or is that inductive reasoning? I never could keep the two straight.) Kids go back to school in September. VACCINE isn't available until October at the earliest. Plus, there are only 160 million doses of vaccine available. Kids go to school and infect each other at enormous rates, and take the shitty virus home with them too. And of course it's on every touchable surface on the Milwaukee County Transit System buses because kids never wash their hands and cannot keep their hands out of their noses, mouths and eyes - plus we still have the illegals coming in from Mexico, where all of this began in the first place. It doesn't take a genius to deduce (or is that induce?) what will happen once the average joes start dropping like flies. WILL WE HAVE RIOTING ON THE STREETS? WILL PEOPLE BE HIJACKING SHIPMENTS OF VACCINE AND SELLING IT ON THE BLACK MARKET? WILL THE NATIONAL GUARD BE CALLED OUT WITH ORDERS "SHOOT TO KILL" AMERICAN CITIZENS WHO ARE STORMING CLINICS AND HOSPITALS IN A DESPARATE SEARCH FOR VACCINE? Geez, haven't we all read this before in some cheap sci-fi novel or seen it in some cheezy made-for-tv movie? I'm sure if you do the proper searches you can find sufficient evidence for every single thing I've written above tonight, including the conspiracy how the SWINE FLU IS AN ENGINEERED VIRUS DESIGNED TO WIPE OUT MOST OF THE WORLD'S POPULATION SO THAT THE ILLUMATI OR WHOEVER IS BEHIND THE CONSPIRACY WILL ENSLAVE THOSE OF US WHO ARE LEFT. I'll be left because I never get vaccinated for flu, but they probably won't want me, I'm too old and I have a smart mouth. That means I'll be shot or have my head chopped off or something equally undesirable. Oh - one other thing - by making people scared that there is not going to be enough vaccine to go around to save all of us, the GOVERNMENT is actually setting us up for wanting something that will actually kill us quicker than the SWINE FLU! We will all line up like sheeple to get our vaccinations and drop dead within 15 minutes afterward, or something like that. Now I'm going to bed! 'night, darlings!


dondelion said...

OMG! and EEEEKK! Well - everything is possible. Reading this was a bad way to start the day. Returning under the covers is an option - though I think I'll just take a long ride on my new bike and count my blessings while I still can!

Jan said...

LOL! I rarely type in all caps - it was fun doing it last night to, er, "emphasize" the serious nature of the topics I underwrote to write about. Ahem.

Seriously, I suppose I should be worried about the swine flu, but I'm actually more worried at the moment about how the hell I'm going to get all of the weeds out of my gardens with a minimum of physical labor. Second to that, I'm worried about getting smushed by a meteorite. Third, I'm wondering if it will ever rain again. Just about every single drop that has been promised to come this way has blown to the south and east. Meanwhile, I'm single-handedly suppporting the Milwaukee Water Works with trying to keep my trees, flowers, shrubs and lawn alive! What ho - dark clouds on the horizon to the west!

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